chelsea and jay

Say you're a root . . .

2010-12-01T15:02:00.022-07:00

. . . and you're all "I'm thirsty! There ain't no water here!" You grow a bit and then one day you happen upon some wet dirt. Jackpot. You're all "I'm gonna grow like a weed cause this water is so awesome and feels so good!". So you grow for a while. . .

Then, some bad luck. You encounter a big hard wall, a blockade if you will. "Oh well, " you say, "I'll just make a hard right and head south cause there's water there & I'm a root! I do what I want!". So you grow for a while. Then, one day, you get ripped from your water resource & die. Sad face emoticon.

Now.

Say you're a homeowner . . .

. . . and you're all "This toilet isn't flushing well! I'll plunge it because I'm self-reliant." You plunge a bit and nothing happens. A few days later, you're at a grocery store and pick up a legit plunger. The black rubber kind with a wood handle that could give you a splinter.

And not the flouncy one you bought at Target designed by some designer that conveniently fits in the cabinet under the sink.

Then, you're excited. You get home and you're all "Yay! A badass plunger! I feel like John McClane!" and you plunge your little heart out.

Fail. Toilet still no work. Sad face emoticon.

So for the next few months while your husband remains unemployed, you just don't go in that bathroom. You warn your unexpected visitors to only go Number 1 in the hall bathroom and if they need to go Number 2 they can use the master bath toilet. You hang your head in shame because you had to ask your neighbor about their toilet needs which forced them to announce it before the group paused in their conversation waiting for the response to the question at hand.

Then, excitement! Your husband gets a job! Yay! Paychecks are the best. They pay for things and make everything better.

Then, you find out your in-laws are coming to town and they'll stay at your place since you are finally an adult with a real guest bedroom with a real bed and everything.

Then, you call a plumber because you have money and because your in-laws are coming! Your in-laws are coming!

Your plumber comes over and says "What seems to be the trouble?" in a Hungarian accent because he's from Hungary. You tell him "This darn toilet won't flush. It's the weirdest thing." And he's all "Did you try a plunger?" and you reply "Oh yes, a real plunger too. Do you want to see it? I plunged my hardest. I even asked my mom to plunge and she's good at everything." No he doesn't want your plunger and he flushes the toilet and you both watch the slow-almost-mocking-you-at-this point-drainage, and he says "Huh." and you get a wee bit concerned because that's not something you want to hear from a plumber.

So, he goes to the van and gets the most badass plunger of them all. It puts your seemingly badass plunger to shame. No lie, you thought it was a Midieval torture device or maybe something more like Thor's thunder stick. Lightening stick? You excitedly ask "What's that?!?" thinking that this will be the end to all your problems and where can you get one? He's says "This is an auger." and makes his way towards the toilet. He places the crooky-do end in the toilet hole and then unscrews the swirly-bob so the snakey-part goes down into the pipe.

Like so:

Then he unscrews the swirly-do pulling the snakey-part back up into the bowl of the toilet.

And he doesn't pull up crayons either. He pulls up something else.

"Unbelievable." he says in his Hungarian accent. Feeling your concern level escalate about 23 notches in your belly, you lean over the toilet bowl and, without being able to make heads or tails of what you're looking at floating in the water, you timidly ask "What is it . . ." not really wanting to hear the answer.

"Roots." he says and then repeats the word of the day: "Unbelievable."

"This is bad." he says and then you ask "What does that mean?" and then he says "There might be roots in your pipes. A whole lot of roots."

And then a few images flash through your mind:

Mean trees with evil roots breaking into your pipes with taunting burglar masks on. Jack hammers breaking open the, up until this point, supportive and comforting concrete slab your house sits on. A team of men in futuristic jumpsuits (the kind those mean doctors wear at the end of ET) replacing your pipes. Then: dollar signs dollar signs dollar signs. Dollar. Signs.

"Well," he says, most likely noticing the barely there color draining from your face, "here's what I propose we do first. I take this toilet off and see if we can see any roots. Best thing would be if the roots were coming from around the pipes, up over the flange the toilet sits on, and growing down into the pipes. But if we can't see them . . . " and that's where you stop listening. He says something about a camera with a snake but you mainly just hear Hungarian blah blah blee blah's coming from his mouth. So, pulling it together, you say "Well. Let's do it. Take the toilet off."

So, you text your husband the happenings so far and tell him to literally pray that the roots are just coming up over the flange and have not broken into the pipes themselves. Then, you go to your bathroom and finish drying your hair and say the same recommended prayer.

After a few minutes, you go back into the dreaded bathroom. He's pulled the toilet up and is looking at the hole where the toilet was and says "Unbelievable." You, again, lean over to see what he's seeing and you have no idea what you're looking at.

Sensing your confusion, he says "Good news! The roots are not in the pipes. They're growing around the flange on the outside of the pipes - you see the flange is too short for this toilet, leaving a gap which gave them easy access." He's points at the flange and you have no idea what you're looking at. "See, your toilet might have leaked a little through this gap and the roots found it. So . . . I'm going to remove the roots, replace the flange with a higher, better one, and re-install the toilet." He speaks with affirmative hope in his voice and you finally feel a little relief. You're glad you said that prayer and you're even more glad that God heard you and answered it.

You text your husband the good news and go back to drying your hair.

A few minutes later you go back into the triage center and the plumber, without missing an opportunity, says "Unbelievable." You, again, lean over to see what he's looking at in the trash bag on the floor. And this time you know it when you see it.

Roots.

A whole pipe-shaped 18 incher in fact. Plus a bit of toilet paper.

Here's a diagram:

Your plumber says a few more "Unbelievable"s for good measure mostly because, as he tells you a few times, he's never seen anything like this before, and he goes on his merry way re-installing the toilet. He asks you to go buy some root killer and you happily oblige.

You come back home with said root killer in hand and he pours some of the magical copper sulfate crystals on the place where the roots used to be. Death to the roots. Die die die hard.

You sigh a content sigh and go to work a happy homeowner despite your level 3 concern over the impending invoice you'll receive for his services.

Life is good again, God is great, and, you think to yourself, roots might just be worse than worms. Happy face emoticon.

(If you're new here, you won't understand the worm reference. Click here and here and try not to feel too bad for me.)

Glee!

2010-11-10T15:42:00.003-07:00

Monday I was bashing the second season of Glee with my bestie. We both agreed that the writing and song choices paled in comparison to the first. The writers seemed to be trying really hard to be scandalous and the music choices were bizarre at best. Yada yada yada.

Anyway, I noticed a friend's FB status last night which said something to affect of "Glee was awesome tonight!". So, we watched it. Pretty amazing. The episode was centered on the topic of bullying which is exponentially more relevant than two chicks randomly kissing for shock value only.

Here's my most favorite performance of the Second season so far. Goosebumps.

It's official . . .

2010-11-08T17:05:00.003-07:00

1. Jay's an attorney. For realsies. In the last month or so he's received a "You passed the Arizona Bar!" letter, a "You passed the Arizona Character & Fitness!" letter, his very own business card with the letters "Esq." behind his name, & a diploma-looking certificate that means "This guy can practice the law in the state of Arizona!". Woo hoo! We have been celebrating non-stop over here.

2. Also, I'm getting closer to being an honest to goodness hippy. I just put this "Patio Compost Tumbler" on my Christmas list.

On second thought, maybe the fact that my "Christmas List" is kept in a folder titled "Christmas List" in my Notes app on my BlackBerry means there's hope for me yet.

Wherever I go

2010-09-09T14:56:00.008-07:00

I have always been a snoop.

I love eavesdropping, rifling through estate sales, and my all-time, most favorite, snooping activity was digging through my grandparents house. The Farm, as everyone still calls it, was full of good places to snoop when my grandparents were alive.

I can't remember when I caught the bug but I loved to dig through all the drawers of every chest or wardrobe or buffet in that farmhouse. My grandma never liked it, which I never understood. Now that I'm older, of course I get it. Who wants a sticky, grimy 10 year old picking through and disorganizing decades old photographs and antiques.

Discovering my mom's high school yearbooks, photographs of my great relatives visiting the Grand Canyon, delicate figurines that I knew had to have a special story . . . they were all treasures to me. Ones that maybe my grandma forgot about locked away in rooms with names like "The Northwest Closet", "The Sitting Room", or "The Spare Room".

But I'd remind her from time to time and ask "Grandma? What's this?". And sometimes, she'd amuse me by sharing stories or tidbits from where things came from.

Maybe it was her that told me the story of when my grandpa's great aunt died in her sleep and my grandpa's mom couldn't find a clean sheet to cover her with. So, in a dresser in a spare bedroom, wrapped in brown paper, was a bundle of white sheets with the note "Keep your damn hands off. In case of death only."

During one treasure hunt in particular, I dug around in the closet of my mom's old bedroom. The one she repeatedly listened to a record of Gladys Knight and the Pips "Midnight Train to Georgia" in.

On the side shelf of the closet, in a small white box, was something that I recognized upon opening. It was Addy's Ida Bean Doll from The American Girl collection. I assumed it was for me as I was an avid collector of American Dolls at this time. I carefully folded the tissue paper back around the doll and put the box back where I found it and waited for her to give it to me.

My visit to the Farm was almost over and I couldn't stand it anymore so I asked her: "Grandma, why do you have Addy's doll in my mom's closet? Is it for me?" And she was upset. Like I had been digging through her private things. (Which, I had been, obviously. Kids are so dense sometimes.) After the color of anger, or maybe it was embarrassment, drained from her face, she told me a story; one of herself as a little girl.

Her dad was going to the city on business and before he left, she told him what she wanted him to bring her. She wanted a black baby doll. And when he returned from wherever he was, he brought her that baby doll. And she told me how much she loved it.

That baby doll was long gone so she bought herself a new mini-doll and she stored it away in a closet because where else would she put it?

After the story was over, I put the bean doll back where I found her and that was that.

When I returned home from my trip and was unpacking my suitcase, I found that little white box among my clothes. I can't remember if there was a note or what it said, but I'm sure there was. My grandma put pink junior size legal pad notes on everything.

So, I've had the Ida bean doll since then. Most of the time, I put her in the corner of a bookshelf, sitting against the books; reminding me of my grandma, picturing her as a little girl with her favorite baby doll, and missing her.

One day, a few months ago, I found the Ida Bean Doll in my purse. I don't even remember putting her in there. I almost took her out because I didn't want her to get dirty or tear out her gold hoop earrings. But then, for some reason, I stopped.

In that moment, I didn't want to keep her on the shelf anymore.

So, she's still in there now; peaking out of a cozy interior side pocket that looks like it was made just for her.

And she rides alongside me wherever I go.

"Driving on a Knife's Edge" by DD

2010-05-18T21:24:00.002-07:00

Guest post by my dad, Daddy Harwood.

"Serving a true Princess full time is always an honored Fatherly privilege of mine. I volunteered to give her my car to drive to Las Vegas this week, having recently been serviced, and take her car for the weekend. As I am driving my daughter’s car back to my house a series of sensory events begin to unfold. First, I click on the CD player and “Single Ladies” by Beyonce starts to play. The iris of my eyes instantly enlarge, and I flash back to the Saturday Night Live skit with Beyonce and Justin Timberlake. I smile of the time machine memory. Second, the lights of the city start to be pulled back into the soft hot asphalt bed of Phoenix for another day. And last, with the darkness starting to surround my vision, an instrument indicator light becomes bright..Just like a light bulb before it burns out it grabs my attention. I am now in the danger zone of running out gas! I burst out laughing! Unknowingly my daughter has left me with a challenge to see if I still have “The Right Stuff” to perform speed to gas ratio computations to make it home without having to have a tow. I made it! Score one for the aging warrior. As my Daughter Chelsea would say: “Sweet”!"

Thanks for the post Dad! And sorry about the gas tank . . . Love you!

Stack

2010-05-03T16:43:00.004-07:00

This ginormous stack of seemingly friendly books with cheery green covers and happy fonts showed up on our kitchen counter a few weeks ago. I walked in the back door and upon seeing them exclaimed "What the heck are all those books for?!".

Then I looked closer and saw the word "Barbri" printed on them. Oh right. Barbri.

In case you're thinking "What is Barbri? Are you sure you didn't just misspell "Barbie"?, I will explain.

Remember how Jay is about to graduate LAW SCHOOL?!

Barbri is a review class for the Bar Exam which occurs at the very end of July. And when I say "review class", I mean business. Like Monday through Friday and sometimes Saturdays PLUS study time business. So, yeah. Whatever you've seen in the movies is false. There's no way Tom Cruise would've had the time or extra brain power to figure out the existence of a time billing conspiracy whilst studying for the bar exam in "The Firm". Ha.

And I couldn't even count the number of books before I got distracted by something else which may or may not have been the top red Solo cup and how it needed to be pushed down so that its white rim was even with the others. And Jay has to read these Barbri books and study them all summer.

Oh boy is it going to be a fun summer.

Maybe next time you hear a lawyer joke, you'll picture Jay cooped up in the office all summer long reading from these green books. And then maybe you'll picture Jay's wife doing the most thorough job ever painting the bedroom and bathroom because that's the only thing she has planned to occupy herself with the whole summer.

You know what's annoying?

2010-05-03T10:40:00.005-07:00

When you forget that a paper on your desk is resting on top of an empty and therefore invisible sheet protector and you momentarily rest your elbow on top of that paper and then your elbow shoots off the desk.

Just needed to share that with someone post awkward LOL.

Jay . . .

2010-04-16T16:44:00.004-07:00

Jay has his last week of classes next week.

Jay graduates from law school in less than a month.

Is Jay scared?

NO!

The only thing worrying Jay at the moment, is if his mortar board graduation cap is too small for his big head.

Seriously though guys.

In all reality, the nonchalant, coffee sipping attitude this picture portrays is FALSE!

Jay is anxious. And nervous. And tired.

Both Louie & I can feel the energy created by the imaginary lightening bolts of stress radiating out from his too-big-for-a-one-size-fits-all-mortar-board-cap-because-his-brain-is-so-full-of-law-school-learnings-head.

Even when we're in the TV room watching Wheel while Jay is quietly studying in the office, we could cut the tension with a petite paring knife. Duh. Louie isn't allowed to use the Chef's knife. Or the Santoku knife for that matter.

Because, what if Jay manages to screw up three years . . NAY! . . . 17.5 years of schooling with a few bad final grades?! He could fail law school. And therefore life.

Dear Husband,

I love you. I'm so proud of you. Even if you fail law school. (Which, by the way, isn't even possible at this point.) Louie & I, & everyone else will still love you. And therefore, you could
never fail at life.

Just like Maverick said "Too close for missles, I'm switching to guns. "

It's time to switch to guns Jay.

Love,
Your loving wife.

And your loving pup. He loves you too.

Update: Jay has informed me that when you graduate from law school, the cap is called a "tam" not a mortar board. I can't tell the difference between the two but everything else Jay explains to me from his law school learnings confuses me, so why should this ill-fitting hat be any different?

Happy Birthday to My Bestie Candace!!!

2010-04-05T16:14:00.012-07:00

Today marks my best friend Candace's 27th birthday!

Since she lives in Utah, I must give her my wishes through technology, like a blog or a cell phone or an email.

I have yet to work out the technical details of my "Best Friend Transportation Tube" of which I invented in the 3rd grade after moving. Again. It's sort of like the tube you put the deposit (no rolled coins!) in at the drive-through bank.

Candace is the best friend a girl could ask for. I devoted a post to her last year on her 26th birthday. Read HERE.

All these reasons why I consider her my best friend still apply. Except #26.

And I quote "26. Because of the kind of person & dear friend she is, I know she's going to make a wonderful mother someday."

Well, someday is almost here people!

Someday/somenight at the end of May/beginning of June (if anyone's baby has a mind of their own, it's Candace's baby), my best friend Candace will add "Mother" to her list of titles.

I truly could not be more excited for her and her husband Curtis. And I'm excited for me too of course. Because if there's anything I know I could love more than Cbug and Curbo, it might just be a lil baby Curbug.

I KNOW that Candace will be a

wonderful
loving
caring
understanding
firm
funny
patient

mom.

AND even though this time might be scary for your average-best-friend-who-has-a-best-friend-who's-about-to-have-a-baby . . . Candace is not your average best friend.

I KNOW even when her world turns upside down after the arrival of her beautiful baby boy, she will still be all of the things on the list above to me.

She's just that kinda girl.

I love you Candace!

Happy Birthday!

Memories:

Oooooh I can't wait to post Mama Candace birthday pictures next year.

Happy Birthday to Me!

2010-03-23T10:22:00.006-07:00

My dad just sent me this:

"Mag wanted to say Happy Birthday!!"

This is quite appropriate for today.

My parents were watching my dad's all-time favorite show, "Magnum, P.I.", Thursday March 22, 1984, when my mom went into labor. Since Tivo was just a twinkle in her eye, she waited until the show was over to tell my dad the important update. About ten hours later, I was born.

Thanks for the birthday wishes Magnum!

2010-03-11T17:10:00.007-07:00

Not sure why but I'm obsessed with Didi's cover of "Rhiannon" by Fleetwood Mac from Tuesday's American Idol.

And still obssesed with Andrew Garcia's cover of Paula Abdul's "Straight-Up".

Man I love a good cover.

Raise your hand if you're sick of coming here only to find posts about worms!

2010-03-08T13:25:00.009-07:00

(My hand's raised too.)

It's just too bad then that I didn't take a picture of the BLACK WIDOW SPIDER I found chillin' outside in a web between the sand bags & the sliding door to the master bedroom on Saturday.

Luckily, (as noted in previous posts), we have an ample supply of Raid & I took care of the situation tout de suite. Actually, I think I took care of it. After I sprayed him, he crawled under a sand bag & I couldn't roll the bag away with just my flip flop wearing foot. Fingers crossed though.

I jumped at my own hair tickles for a good hour.

P.S. I need to go to France tout de suite as I first spelled the phrase above "toot suite" & had to google it because it didn't seem right. Yes. Toot.

What is it with this house.

2010-02-25T16:18:00.011-07:00

Everyone here remembers The Great Worm Event. Or at least the mentioning of The Great Worm Event in the previous post. And if you don't . . .

Summary: we found worms (gag. maggots) happily feeding off a Pop-Tart in our Guest Bedroom closet. We assume that the worms were a housewarming present precariously placed on the top top top shelf of the closet left to us by the former 16 year old inhabitant. Her name is Courtney. And I assume this because she did some lovely paint drip art on the wall behind the door that reads "Courtney + Alexis = BFFL". I haven't scraped it off yet because. Worms. Gulp. Maggots.

And because I take great pleasure in making someone squirm over an image of what was multiplied by 200 and literally 6 inches away from my face, here's a shot of one worm as proof of our misery:

So, we've gotten over the worms.

Yes. Okay. Fine. There were worms in our house for two months & we unknowingly co-existed. The important & operative word in that sentence is "were". Past tense. Past tense is the best tense when it comes to worms.

Well. It was past tense.

Monday night, Jay & I found this on the brick patio off the Kitchen door:

Warning warning warning.

Please finish eating/chewing/drinking/swallowing before proceeding. Well, I guess I should've warned you before the worm picture. Sorry about that. Well I'm not really sorry though because we had to see them in real life.

Oh man you're in for a real treat.

These are photos of a crime scene. We may never know what happened here. We didn't even know what it was until we examined the photos in great detail. Please click the photos to enlarge & to share in this great detail.

We first thought Louie might be to blame but Louie won't even fetch his bunny toy if it's under a chair or touching a grocery bag or too far into the hallway, so we doubt he had anything to do with the squishing/squashing/death of the terrestrial gastropod mollusc seen above.

What is it with this house. There's a theme developing here & I'm beginning to worry.

I'm too tired to upload photos, so here's another list.

2010-02-15T19:13:00.009-07:00

Because Life with Mortgage seems immensely more busy than Life with Rent, I can't even pull it together enough to figure out how to say "more busy" without sounding like a beauty school drop-out, and our "blog updates" are scarce these days, here is a short list of things I've realized so far in 2010:

Being a pescetarian is not as difficult as I thought. I'm not one for New Year's resolutions because I just end up disappointed with myself sometime in early March and who wants that? So instead, this year I decided to try something I've been thinking about for a long time: a diet with no poultry. I stopped eating animals with four legs over two years ago and now I've given up animals with legs all together. Fish only. And I don't even eat that much fish. And when I do, I try to make sustainable & healthy choices. Except for the new Wendy's fish sandwich (a perfectly timed debut for Lent) which can't be healthy or susatinable. I get my protein with soy, eggs, cheese, and veggies. I'm happy with my choice so far and, even though my choice has made cooking more complicated for Jay & my family, I'm sticking with it. And I may become a vegetarian one day but I'm not ready yet.
My Achilles' heel is not the sale rack at J. Crew as previously thought, it is Worms. If you're my friend, (on Facebook that is), you may have seen my status a few weeks ago pertaining to the aforementioned creature. It's a long, gag inducing story, but we found worms, ahem, maggots, on the top shelf of our guest bedroom closet. Left there by the former 16 year old inhabitant. That was two weeks ago. And for the past two weeks, worms have been crawling out from the crack between the shelf & the wall. They are persistent lil buggers, persevering through periodic Raid sprays. I keep walking into the bedroom half expecting to find a human size worm lounging in the Ikea chair in the corner flipping through our photo albums and chomping on an apple. No joke. I take this as a sign that I've seen too many made-for-the-sci-fi-channel movies. So, worms. Gross.
Carpal Tunnel is the pits. And wearing a dorky wrist brace puts me back to my braces, glasses wearing junior high self.
I knew I never liked water. I had a huge fear of swimming when I was little, (my mom can attest), and even though now I can swim a lap without convulsing and weeping simultaneously, water is still my mortal enemy. Our dishwasher started leaking a few weeks ago (pre-worms thank goodness otherwise I would've totally lost my mind). And the same week, Arizona had a record-breaking rainstorm. To express the severity of the situation, I have two words for you. Sand Bags. They are still lined up soldier course outside our master bedroom sliding door. The same genius homeowners who didn't own cleaning supplies, built a patio off the master without a threshold to stop the water from seeping into the crap door circa 1971. So, water. No fun.
Even with the (gag) worms & water, owning a home is pretty wonderful.
I love Obama Mama. Thank you Mr. President for the Home Buyers Tax Credit. Wood floors here we come! Can I get a what what?!

UPDATE: I just showed Jay the post and he read the first paragraph a few times before saying, "Chels, isn't 'more busy' just 'busier'?

Yeah. Um. I'd like to make an amendment to my list.

7. I think I may be coming down with something. Sniffle. Cough.

To Do

2010-01-07T16:20:00.006-07:00

Jay & I have been busy. Since closing on our house in mid-November. No time for proper blog entry. No time now as we are mid-painting the house.

To do list:

Finish Painting.
Organize & file bills (Note to future self: Dining Table does not serve as proper file cabinet).
Scrub living daylights out of grout throughout house. Needed desperately.
Draw up John & Jolyne's house & assist. Agh. Not a guilt-free day will go by until complete.
Schedule electrician to install chandelier with dimmer & review piggy-tailing sockets.
Re-upholster master bedroom bench.
Organize cords next to TV. One must not stare directly at the Cord Monster.
Figure out strange sconces in hallway & come up with game plan.
Finish cleaning behind the water heater. Must purchase new special cleaning tool for job.
Purchase & install new door hardware with vigor.
Scrub guest bedroom closet shelves & remove stickers/beads/gunk left behind by 16 year old inhabitant.
Organize guest bedroom boxes.
Plan Candita's bb shower!
Resolve master bedroom slider not-sliding situation.
Organize closet.
Purchase & install thingamabob for toilets so less water is used per flush.
Think about master bathroom reno.

Feeling overwhelmed by To Do list. Must finish later.

Joys of Owning Your Own Home

2009-12-16T16:55:00.004-07:00

We've been doing a little bit of this . . .

Packing.

I was worried my lil Palmy wouldn't make the bumpy ride in the back of the moving trailer but he did! Phew!

Cleaning.

The previous owners left us some lovely surprises under the oven and under the refrigerator. Anyone need any nut shells/a toe separator/a highlighter/an I Love NY magnet/cat toys/spf 15 chapstick/a dozen gallon milk tops/batteries/vitamins/pills/tanning booth goggles/pens/ketchup packets/hot sauce packets/roasted red pepper packets? They also left us 10 years of grime/greasy fingerprints/dirt on almost every possible surface, a leaky water softener, broken bits of glass in the kitchen cabinets, a non-operable sliding door, hair/glitter/make-up dust filled drawers, drips/squirts/coffee grinds in the cabinet under the sink where they presumably kept their trash, and more. Aren't they so sweet? Bless my dear mother for helping me clean for 2 days straight. Who knew the "black" grout was actually a light tan? Thanks Mom!

After cursing the previous owners in my head for two straight hours while cleaning under the stove & refrigerator, I realized that they're weren't any bugs to be found! Yay! No bugs! There's always a silver-lining right?

Organizing.

Our new ginormous pantry!

Louie's been doing a little bit of this:

Sleeping.

Patrolling the new hood.

So far so good. Home ownership, even with the hardcore cleaning sessions & unforeseen expenses, is a joy! We love walking around saying "I love our new house" to each other. Sigh.

Always worth the torture

2009-12-08T17:06:00.009-07:00

To escape the stacks of boxes at our apartment, I traveled to Gilbert to help out with toy donating at Catilin & Audra Beth's house on Sunday. After three hours I managed to convince them to donate three garbage bags of Littlest Pet Shops, Polly Pockets, Barbies, Bratz junk, miscellaneous nick nacks, thingamabogs, and a Whack-a-Mole that I've been giving the stink eye to since they got it last year. I can't wait for the days when I pay them to come over & convince my kids to get rid of the toys they no longer play with but continue to clog every free surface in the house. Torture. Pure torture.

That reminds me, I have a new interrogation plan for terrorists. Toy-Boarding. Instead of the feeling of "drowning" in water, we can lay them down and pour teeny tiny, rubber, Polly Pocket shoes on their face. Have you seen these shoes? They're the size of a pencil earser. Oh, and if they didn't want to talk or confess or whatever, we could make them pair the shoes up by style, heel-size, and color. I should write a letter. Back to the purpose of the post . . .

In between questions like "Caitlin, which of your three Littlest Pet Shop Doctor's Offices do you want to keep?" and "No, I don't think Goodwill wants the furry broken car seat out of the Bratz Hummer we gave away six months ago.", I taught Caitlin how to write a capital cursive "I". She's learning cursive at school but, as of Sunday, she lacks a few letters in her repertoire. After a few tries and holding in an "I don't even know why they teach kids cursive anymore" comment, I finally remembered how to write one myself.

Here was my reward:

This must be why they still teach cursive in school. Tear.

Bad Words

2009-12-04T15:32:00.007-07:00

If you're in the mood for a stress session, you should come on over to our apartment.

Poor Jay is in the throes of studying for finals. Which is definitely an "F" word around our place and should only be mentioned sparingly, in the quietest, sweetest of tones. Without fail, every semester, I somehow forgot how stressed he gets around this time (rightfully so of course) and I spend a few days walking around thinking "Gosh, why is Jay so mad at me?". Then he reminds me. Oh, right, finals. Oops.

Don't even mention the "B" word around Jay. Unless you want him to turn red, sweat, and pace around you saying "Why did you have to say that?". In case you're wondering what the "B" word is at our house . . . it's "bar". As in, the exam that Jay will have to take in the future. You can't say I didn't warn you.

Oh, and BONUS! We have to starting packing! Because we're moving! In a week. I'm scared. I've only pictured myself packing so far.

And apparently getting up off the sofa to get started but then laying down on the floor doesn't count. Shoot.

Excuse Me? Creepo Say What?

2009-11-30T19:29:00.006-07:00

While waiting for my dear husband to get home from class and bring me my dinner from Chipoltle, I watched in horror as this PSA played on our TV.

I KNOW RIGHT?!? I'm not sure which grosses me out more, the actor dude (how about an actor chick?), the topic at hand, or the picture in my head of Santa delivering me one.

Dear Jay,

Please do not follow this weirdo's advice. I want a house for Christmas. Oh, you already got one? Perfect.

Sincerely,

Your Loving Wife

I just got Gap Rolled.

2009-11-24T09:21:00.010-07:00

Normally I love Gap commercials (still love the Mellow Yellow one of my high school days) & all things Christmas, but the new Gap commercial in in the white barn with the contrived cheerleading song is my mortal enemy right now. Hate it. Go Christmas? Go Hanukkah? Go Kwanzaa? How about GO AWAY?!

My dear husband has been torturing me with it via Tivo for the past few days because THAT STUPID COMMERCIAL PLAYS DURING EVERY SHOW WE WATCH. Usually we fast-forward through the commercials (like most sane Tivo-holics I know) but he deliberately stops on the Gap one. Ugh.

Yesterday, he emailed me a You Tube link saying "Hey, is this the same kid that did the "Blood! Blood! Not funny!" thing? It's pretty funny even if it isn't him - make sure you have the sound on."

This is referring to one of my favorite videos that we quote often. See it here.

But the link didn't take me to a cute little boy saying something funny like I had hoped.

It took me here:

After I angrily replied to his torturous email, he replied with "OH SNAP! You just got Gap-Rolled!"
(this is of course a play-on Rick Roll. If you don't know what I'm talking about, read here.)

I can't believe I fell for it! BLURG!

Chez Nous

2009-11-20T16:04:00.013-07:00

I'm sure all our readers have noticed that we've been a little absent lately. Just looking at the previous months' posts make me sad that I've neglected you. BUT. We have been very busy this month.

Jay's been studying like a mad man . . .

Our friends stayed with us over Halloween weekend . . .

We celebrated my momma's birthday . . .

I've been working like a crazy woman staying late everyday . . .

We celebrated our NINTH anniversary together (post to follow) . . .

I went to North Carolina to visit friends (post to follow) . . .

And . . . oh yeah, we bought a house.

WHAAAAAT??!?!?

Yes, you read that correctly. It turns out that when it comes to buying your first home, what follows a giant POOP STORM is a beautiful RAINBOW complete with a pot-o-gold a.k.a. PATIO HOME. It's a long story & it's all a bit of a blur. Thanks to our wonderful Realtor, sellers, broker, underwriter, appraiser, escrow officer, Farmer's Insurance rep, my employer, & our parents, Jay & I were able to seal the deal & purchase our VERY FIRST HOME.

I know. Crazy right? Even we can't believe it.

So, the pictures I have are not that great. And BEFORE pictures are not as fun when they don't accompany the AFTER pictures but we do have grandiose plans for our 1538 square feet of home on our 3040 square feet of lot.

Here are a few choice photos from the MLS listing to tantalize you.

Isn't this blue laminate counter just the best?

Here's our favorite part . . .

A YARD FOR LOUIE!

We are most excited by the yard because our dream for our first place didn't include a yard. And now we have one! No more groggy-trying-not-to-fall-down-the-stairs-and-squish-Louie-at-six-in-the-morning potty trips.

We don't think Louie quite understands the excitement to come.

But he will. Our little family of three will soon move into our first house. How awesome is that???

Next step . . . making a family of four! Cue the color draining from Jay's face.

What I learned from being Mary-Kate:

2009-11-04T15:01:00.008-07:00

1. Not having to smile when someone takes your picture is wonderful.

2. Purposely picking clothes that don't match is trickier than I first thought.

3. Wearing a baggy shirt and leggings is quite possibly the most comfortable outfit ever. No sucking-in required.

4. Wearing dark purple nail polish is fun for a change but almost impossible to remove for work on Monday.

5. Wearing sunglasses at night makes incessant people watching sooooo much easier.

Maybe Mary-Kate's fashion choices aren't quite so ridiculous after all.

On Camping. Or: Why I'm no longer allowed to make financial decisions

2009-10-24T12:06:00.007-07:00

I (Chelsea) finally added a few photos . . . ______________________________________________________________

A couple of caveats before starting:

1) I have a wicked bad cold right now and the medicine Chelsea has been administering puts me in a bit of a fog so I apologize if this post isn’t as coherent as it could be.

2) The Cardinals, and Matt Holliday in particular, are killing me right now so I apologize if this post is a bit more cynical than it otherwise would be.

3) The pictures from the trip are on Chelsea’s computer so they’ll likely be posted later.

4) This post is long, really long, I’m sorry.

- Now that we got that out of the way, on to the story.

A couple of months ago Chelsea’s boss asked if we would be interested in going camping with her, her daughter, and a bunch of other people. We didn’t hesitate in accepting the invitation as we had been camping with Linda (Chelsea’s boss) before and had a blast. As the weeks ticked by and the trip approached I got more and more excited in anticipation of the trip. There’s something about camping (being able to tend the fire) that really strikes a chord in me and I couldn’t wait to get going.

As the week of the trip finally arrived Chelsea and I headed to Target to get all the necessary accoutrement and made numerous runs to Safeway to get all the food stuffs that we’d be requiring for out two-night outing. The plan, originally, involved roughly 10 of us heading up to Stoneman Lake, where we had previously stayed, which is about 30 miles south of Flagstaff and has some incredible spots to set up camp. A few days before we left we found out that Linda’s sister (and our exceptionally patient real estate agent) and her husband wouldn’t be able to make it. And then there were 8.

The day we were to leave Chelsea gave me a call and said that there had been a “change in plans” and that Linda’s neighbors (who were going with their two girls) had decided that Stoneman Lake was going to be too cold for them because the forecast predicted temperatures would get down below freezing. I was disappointed, to say the least, as I had really been looking forward to heading up to Stoneman but when Chelsea told me that Linda’s neighbor knew of a “great” spot just north of Bartlett Lake that was only 45 minutes away (as opposed to the 2-ish hour drive to Stoneman) I was excited . . . and then worried. “Bartlett Lake” I thought, “that’s pretty close to Phoenix . . . and it’s supposed to get real hot here this weekend.” I’m the type of person that would much rather be bundled up outside in 20-degree weather than in shorts and a t-shirt in 90 degree weather so, considering it was supposed top the century mark in Phoenix for the weekend I wasn’t too optimistic about the temperature only 45 minutes, and a minor elevation change, away.

Concerned I looked up the weather at Bartlett Lake and, sure enough, the temperatures were forecasted to hit the upper 90s over the weekend. This simply would not do. When Chelsea got home around 10:30 to pack up I confronted her with the startling news. At first she didn’t seem that worried about it but when it set in that I was not going to be a happy camper if forced to roast outside the entire weekend she called Linda to tell her the news. Linda replied that her neighbors thought it would be better to be too warm than too cold -- a sentiment which I could not be more opposed to -- but that they’d check to see what the weather would be at the actual campsite (as opposed to at the lake). We got a call from Linda about five minutes later and she said that her neighbor had called “the Ranger” and he said that temperatures were 20 degrees cooler at the campsite than they were in Phoenix. Sweet! I was sold, my excitement was back.

We packed up my car and headed off to Linda’s house so that we could follow her and her neighbors to the campsite. When we arrived Linda’s neighbors had already left to grab a quick lunch before heading up to the campsite but had given Linda directions so that we didn’t need to wait on them. Our mini-caravan left around noon (this becomes important later) to head up to what promised to be a great weekend. We should have realized that the weekend wasn’t going to be as smooth as we hoped when we passed Linda’s neighbors about half an hour from her house broken down on the side of the road. Evidently their radiator hose had broken so they were getting a new one brought up to them. After stopping to make sure they were alright we pressed on through north Scottsdale and Carefree until finally coming to the entrance to the Tonto National Forest. We descended down into a canyon and followed a craggy, rocky, unforgiving road for about 15 minutes before I started to get concerned. Looking around the scenery resembled a moonscape more than a comfortable camping site. There were no trees, only dead and dying scrub brush. The rock littered ground was covered with this grayish looking powder that made it appear as if someone had taken a giant sieve full of gravel and shaken it out over the land. Oh, and the temperature, it was 96. Wait, 97. Oh, no it’s not done yet. 98.

*Who doesn't want to camp here???*

As we idled along the “road” which was clearly not intended for a Nissan Maxima packed to the gills with camping supplies I was getting increasingly angry and incredulous. How on earth was this a “great” place to camp? Who was this “Ranger” character that supposedly guaranteed us that it would be 20 degrees cooler than it was in Phoenix. I was in, at least, my Third Circle of Hell – and none too pleased to be there I might add. To make matters worse Linda kept stopping and waiving us up alongside her so that she could shake her head and wonder aloud to us how this was ever going to be a suitable place to camp. We kept driving, and driving, and driving (we made it through Black Carl’s album three times) before, finally, we encountered a few mature trees that had grown up along side a creek. “Ok, this isn’t that bad” I’m thinking to myself. “There’s shade, this could be ok.” As we continued along the ~~road~~ path forged from the remnants of a rock quarry many of the trees start to disappear and the ones that remained were considerably less “shade giving.” Oh, and it was still 98 outside. Wonderful.

*Jay has a hint of a smile in this photo. This was the only smile that occurred on the trip in & out of the canyon.*

Finally we pull up to a campsite, an actual, official, campsite. With fire pits. And barbeques. And restrooms. And a parking lot. Ugh, who wants to stay here? After talking with Linda for a bit and poking around to see if there was any other nearby spot to stay we came to the decision that none of us want to stay there any longer and that we would all much rather head up to Stoneman Lake. So we leave, doubling back over the awful terrain with the bottom of my car getting scraped, dinged, and nicked the entire way until we got to the Carefree Highway that we could take to the I-17.

To abbreviate, if only a bit, an already long story we headed up to Stoneman Lake and, after stopping at a gas station to get cold weather gear, got there around 6:00 in the evening. That’s right a trip that was supposed to take “45 minutes” turned into a six-hour trek.

Any angst that I had about the drive quickly dissipated when we got to the campsite. It’s located 15-miles off of the I-17, accessible thorough fire road, and is set back in the midst of tall pine trees that butt up against an expansive meadow that gives you great views of the stars at night and surrounding mountains during the day. We had borrowed a tent from Linda’s sister but the pole broke while Chelsea was trying to set it up, luckily Linda had plenty of room in her camper for us so we bunked with her and Miranda. As for the camping experience itself, it was great. We cooked food over an open fire, peed in the woods, communed with nature, all that jazz. I even managed to get a substantial amount of reading done for class – it’s amazing what you can accomplish when you don’t have the internet and television distracting you.

*Note Jay's awesome $20 sweatshirt from the Prescott gas station. Yes, $20.*

*Lou is wearing an altered baby onesie. It kept him warm at night &, bonus, I got to shop in the baby department at Target!*

Fast forward to Sunday, when we were going to leave (because, honestly, nothing of note happened while we were actually camping except that we learned Louie has insanely good eyesight). I got up around 6:00 when the sun came up and made coffee. Chelsea got up around 6:30 and sat with me next to the fire while we drank our coffee and I ate breakfast. I was thinking, as Chelsea and I chatted, about how relaxing the trip had been once we actually got up to the campsite and about how, notwithstanding the circuitous detour it took to finally get there, this had been a pretty stress free trip. That’s when I saw it. I glanced over at my car which was parked on top of a bed of pine needles and saw that my left rear tire looked low. Really low. Ok, fine, it looked flat. Not wanting to erase all the good vibes I was putting out at the time I thought that perhaps it just appeared flat because it had sunk into the pine needles. Hoping this to be the case I walked over to the tire. Nope. It was flat. After muttering a few choice words to myself I bent down and saw a lot of cracking on the outer wall of the tire and figured the poor fella just couldn’t retain air anymore.

A footnote. I had been thinking “I really need to get new tires” for a few months before this but had been holding off until we learned whether we would get a house or not.

At this point the panic started to set in. For some reason I don’t seem to have the ability to react appropriately in stressful situations, it’s sort of an all or nothing outcome with me. Either I completely ignore/severely underestimate the gravity of the situation or I freak out and think of the absolute worst possible outcomes for the situation. I’ve noticed that law school has made me tend toward the latter response, which it how I reacted to the flat tire. I had visions of coming back to the campsite in 10 or 15 years and seeing the burnt out shell of my car slowly rotting away because, obviously, there was no way I was going to be able to get it out of there. Luckily for me I married a woman who doesn’t freak out the way I do. “Well, you have a spare, right?” she said. I did. Phew that was close. Before putting on the spare, though, Linda (who had woken up) suggested we use this spray that she had to fix flat tires. The spray allegedly seals the puncture and then fills the tire up with air and you can drive on it like normal. We attached the spray to the air tube and filled up the tire before I got in to drive on it which, allegedly, is necessary to coat the tire with the sealant and allow the pressure equalize. As I’m driving down the rutted path away from the campsite and toward the fire road I could hear Linda and Chelsea yelling “It’s working! It’s filling up!” I could also hear a really loud squeaking/rubbing sound which, having close to zero mechanical ingenuity, I attributed to the tire sealing up and inflating. Then I heard a big pop and felt my car shudder. Not good. I got out to find that the tire had popped and completely separated from the rim. Cue visions of my burned out car again, only now moved 250 feet from the campsite.

“Well, I guess it’s time for the spare” Linda said as I began pulling all the crap out of my trunk that managed to accumulate there over the past couple of years. As Chelsea and I got the doughnut out and affixed it to the car I began thinking that it was too bad no one had a camera because this would make for a great Amazing Race audition tape. “Hi, we’re the McLaughlin’s we’d like to fill your stereotypical role of the young married couple from the city who are all thumbs when it comes to tasks that most of the Nation can accomplish in their sleep! Do we bicker and snipe at each other when stressed? You betcha!”

After the spare was securely (so we hoped) on the car Linda told me how to get to Flagstaff. It was a 40-mile drive along a scenic forest highway (it was paved!) into town, hopefully when I got there something would be open, though it was Sunday so I was a little concerned. I made it to Flagstaff in a little over an hour as I didn’t come anywhere near approaching the 50 mph maximum speed that the spare tire’s instructions cautioned me not to exceed. As I was driving along the forest highway I kept repeating the mile markers in my head as I passed them so that when, inevitably, my spare exploded I could tell AAA where to find me “I’ll be the guy bawling out of frustration in the ASU shirt about 500 yards past mile marker 338.” Luckily, though, the tire survived and I made it to Flagstaff. The first place I saw was a Super Walmart. While I don’t agree with virtually anything Walmart does I wasn’t in a position to be ethically snobbish on this day so I pulled in assuming they’d have an automotive department that could give me new tires. They didn’t. I drove around for a while passing many a closed tire shop and getting increasingly nervous. What if there weren’t any places that were open? I pictured myself calling Chelsea and telling her to go home with Linda while I would get a hotel room and stay in Flagstaff for the night, heading back to Phoenix first thing in the morning after getting new tires (which, in the end, probably would have been cheaper than what actually happened).

Becoming increasingly more pessimistic I stopped in at a gas station to ask if they knew of any tire shops that would be open on Sunday. “Oh, on Sunday?” The lady replied, “I don’t think so. I know of about 12 places in town but they’re all closed on Sunday. Except, maybe, Sears.” Suddenly things were looking up, and then I asked how to get there. “Oh, it’s at the mall so the easiest way to get there will be to get on the interstate and then get off at Country Club, you can’t miss the mall.” Thinking that I could just stay in the exit lane the whole time and not piss off other motorists too much by going only 35 mph in a 65 mph zone I asked, almost as an after thought, how many exits it was to Country Club adding “just one, right?” at the end of my query. “Oh no, it’s like two, maybe three” came the reply and immediately I saw the headline “Phoenix Man Killed When Car Bursts Into Flames: Thought he could take spare onto the interstate, what an idiot” running atop the Flagstaff paper in my mind.

As I left the gas station I noticed that the doughnut was a lot lower than it had been when I first left, now I really started to panic. There was no way I was getting on the interstate at this point so I kept driving around looking for a tire shop. I found an Econo-Lube and stopped to see if they had any suggestions, they didn’t. Just when I was ready to throw in the towel (I had been driving around Flagstaff for over an hour) I saw it. An old gas station that had been converted into a tire shop. An open tire shop. Never mind that there was supposedly a Sears that I could go to, a bird is hand is better than two in the bush, right? Never mind that it was the sort of place that I wouldn’t have gone to in a million years had there been any other option available to me (oh . . . there was . . . and it was called Sears? Uh . . . yeah . . .). Never mind that the place screamed, at the top of its lungs, “shady! This place is super shady! Don’t come here!” It was open, that’s all that mattered to me at the time. I pulled in, giddy, and told the man who appeared to be working at the establishment as part of some “homelessness to home-have-ness” program that I needed four new tires. The way I figured it, if one of the tires was in such bad shape it was likely that the others were all nearly that bad as well and I didn’t want to risk a blowout coming down the mountain at breakneck speeds on the I-17, I wanted to be safe. The kind homeless man yelled at the other workers around him to get my tires changed and within seconds they hand my car jacked up, the rims off, and the tires off the rims.

I was sitting at a picnic table, which was located where the single gas pump would have been located 50-years ago when the store likely opened, reading some cases for my contract drafting class when I got distracted by all the writing on the side of the building. Most of the text touted the different services and products offered by the shop. My heart sank, however, when I saw some text that read “Monday – Friday rates, quality service!” and immediately underneath that “Saturday & Sunday rates, quality service!” I realized that these tires would be a bit more expensive than they would have been if I bought them at Discount Tire (which is closed on Sunday’s in case you’re curious) but figured it couldn’t be that expensive. It was then that an older, portly, slightly balding, man who looked and sounded like he was from either India or Pakistan approached and handed me the invoice to sign. I ascertained that he was the owner of the establishment so I managed to bite my tongue and not shout curses upon the shop when I saw that my total was $750. That’s right, 3/4 of a thousand dollars, for FOUR TIRES!

Perhaps sensing my shock at the price the owner tried to smooth things over by talking to me about where I was from, what I was doing up in Flagstaff and, most importantly, what I called the things on my feet:

“My sandals?” I asked.

“Yeah, what do you call them?”

“Um, well, ‘sandals’ mostly”

“Oh, you don’t call them thongs?”

“Uh, no, I mean . . . I know some people call them that but I don’t”

“Yeah, neither do I”

“Oh. Uh, ok. Sometimes I call them flip-flops” (I figured I needed to throw him a bone.)

“Yeah, that’s what I call them too!” (hooray!)

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah, I’m from an island, that’s what we call them there” (apparently he’s not from India or Pakistan).

“Oh, that’s great” (I actually said “that’s great” after being told that on the island this man was from they call sandals “flip-flops.”)

“Yeah, they are great to wear. But, I’ve noticed that they aren’t that great to wear when it’s raining out . . . or in the winter”

“Yeah . . . uh . . . I guess they aren’t good for keeping your feet warm.”

“No, most certainly not.”

At this point Homeless Joe came over to tell me that my car was done. As I went to get back in the owner started yelling at one of the employees to clean off my rims. I told the employee that this wasn’t necessary as I’d be driving through a lot of dirt and that they would need to be cleaned again almost immediately but the employee shrugged and said “boss wants me to do it.” I guess for $750 they feel the need to throw in a few perks. So the guy gets done cleaning my car and I hop in (all my windows are down) and before I can back up I hear the owner yelling “Wait, wait!” so I refrain from backing up worrying that they forgot to actually put the lug nuts back on one of my tires or something. “Junior!” shouts the owner “check this man’s tires!” Junior immediately begins pulling on my tires to make sure they’re tight and, to be honest, I was actually really relieved that he did because I had my doubts that they were going to stay on. As Junior is yanking away the owner is talking to another man who is waiting to get his car serviced and he says “Yeah, we may charge you a bit more here but you get more in return. For example, if you buy tires from us, they won’t fall off when you pull out.”

Seriously? This is a selling point? A bonus? I thought that “tires remain on car after sale” was sort of the bare minimum for service in the tire industry. Apparently not. Next time I see some idiot have all four tires simultaneously fall off his car when pulling away from a tire shop I’ll think “what a sucker, if he would have paid a little extra he’d never have that problem.”

After getting back to the campsite and telling Chelsea how much I spent on tires she was none to happy. Let’s just say the ride home was pretty quiet, and not just because of the awesome new tires we were riding on. A week or so later I emailed Chelsea the website of a hotel I was thinking we could stay in for our one year anniversary (we’ll likely be in Chicago visiting my parents so I thought a night out downtown would be a fun way to celebrate). The response I got: “looks pretty. maybe we [could] just curl up around our new tires??”

Needless to say, I don’t think I’m ever living this down.

The City Sister and the Country Sister

2009-10-20T09:42:00.044-07:00

Now that I am an old gal of 25, my sweet and tender childhood memories are beginning to fade. Although few and far between, every now and then, something seemingly random will jog one of them and such an occurrence happened just a few days ago . . .

My mother returned from the Pottberg (her mother's side) family reunion in Kansas with many stories and pictures to share. One specific tale she regaled initiated a cosmic-Jason Bourne: Ultimatum-style event and my mind raced back 23 years to my toddler self watching my favorite video tape on repeat: Sesame Street :Three Stories, featuring Jim Henson's Sesame Street Muppets and the story of "The City Worm and the Country Worm"

***Warning: This segment is over nine minutes long and boring if you're used to the fast-paced, seizure-inducing children DVDs of today. Skip to minute 4:50 if you don't have oodles of time on your hands and/or you'd rather not spend a chunk of your day with a non-animated cartoon Lumbricus terrestris. Or the Common Earthworm to those of you not familiar with the Genus Species classifications of backyard invertebrates.***

Backstory: My mother, the daughter of a wheat farmer, along with her older brother and older sister, spent her childhood in Downs and Cawker City, Kansas. They are neighboring towns in North Kansas with current populations of 883 and 465 respectively. There were only a few dozen kids in her high school class and, after graduation, she left her home (The Farm), went to Kansas State, moved to the big city (Wichita), met a boy, fell in love, yada yada yada.

Down town Cawker City

The Farm

Since leaving small town life about thirty years ago, my mom has undoubtedly transformed from a Country Worm into a bonafied City Worm. A fact unknown to her until recently.

After my mom's sister (my Aunt Susan) picked her up from the airport, they were driving to The Farm (now Aunt Susan's home) through the Kansas country.

While enjoying a catch-up chat, my mom spotted a dead roadside creature ("roadkill" to the Country Worms). "Look a raccoon!" she exclaimed while pointing to the lifeless body.

"Um, Janet," replied Aunt Susan in her kindest sisterly voice. "that's a possum." While they may be the same shape, size, and possess the same menacing personality, no true Country Worm would mistake the snarly, all-fang toothed possum* for the sweet-faced, furry raccoon.

Later in the drive (it takes about 4 hours to get to The Farm from the airport), in an attempt to make light of her previous animal snafu, my mother jokingly pointed to a squirrel crossing the highway and said "Look at that turtle jumping across the road!" They both giggled at her expense, as I've heard is common with sisters.

A few days later while taking a walk, my mother looked up at a flock of birds and, in all seriousness, said to Aunt Susan, "Those ducks sound like seagulls!". Without even looking up, my Aunt Susan flatly replied "Janet, those are not ducks. They are geese." You see, my Aunt, a Country Worm, is able to distinguish a "Quack" from a "Honk" and my mother, now clearly a City Worm, is not.

A few days after my mother returned from her homeland, my Aunt Susan sent her an email. Within it contained a poem she wrote to sum up the the changes she noticed in my mother:

Possums or coons,

Seagulls. . . ducks. . . or geese?

When you move from the farm to the city,

You lose track of these.

Left: City Worm née Country Worm; Right: Country Worm

*Yes, I realize it's technically "Opposum" but that word is sooo City Worm.

Wish I had a Magic 8-Ball

2009-10-06T16:39:00.015-07:00

Many times I find myself wondering, "How could the Romanov's have trusted Rasputin?" He was an outcast, a self-proclaimed mystic, and had a nasty hobo-wizard beard. But alas, in the throes of The Poop Storm: Short Sale Edition, I now understand. It's so tempting to believe anyone who tells you what you want to hear.

You see, I myself have found comfort in a mystic's forecast of my future. Who is this "mystic", you ask? Well, I'll tell you my dear. Her name is Susan Miller. And her forecasts lay within the magical website called AstrologyZone.

You see, being born on March 23rd, makes me an Aries. A Ram with a fiery demeanor. (Doesn't that sound exactly like me?) Last month, the great Susan Miller had this to say about my month of September:

"What is your idea of home? This may be the question of the moment as you make a flurry of decisions that will improve your living situation. Never liked that brown couch? It's time to buy a white one on sale - but wait until October to do so. Living too far from work? Look into moving closer. Eclipses of last July lit you to action, and now, Mars, your ruler, has arrived to add even more power and light to this area. When it comes to home, be brave, for no plan will be too grand to complete. The perfect timing would be to plan in September but to act in October. Aim to get things done by October 15 . . . Home-related plans will race forward, thanks to your ruling planet, Mars, brightening your home sector, August 26 to October 15. Make mid-October your deadline for all work to be done."

(She had a lot more to say but this is the only part I care about. If you must, visit here to read more.)

We submitted our offer on the Short Sale on August 28th. Do you see where I'm going here? I won't say it for fear of a jinx. But if Susan is right, I'll have some awesome news to post next week.

I hope believing a mystic works out better for me than it did the Romanov's.

If you have no idea who Rasputin or the Romanov's are then I feel sorry for you. You should read here STAT.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
P.S. I got a fortune cookie at Pei Wei last week that said "Your dearest wish will come true." I had to eat three lousy fortune cookies to get it, but this one was so good, that I kept it.

P.P.S. If I had a(n) Ouija Board and didn't find them frightening, I would ask it about the house too.

Welcome to the Poop Storm!

2009-09-16T15:59:00.022-07:00

So, in case you're wondering, we are indeed still in pursuit of a home. The possibility is fading though. Four offers was it? I can't remember. Not one of them has worked out. Not even the stupid short sale. Why you ask? Like everything else during this process, it's complicated.

SO, to combat this terrifying, sleep depriving process, Jay and I have invented our own TV show of which we are going to pitch to HGTV, TLC, and maybe even SyFy. We are sick of watching "reality" shows like House Hunters, My First Place, and Property Virgins that portray the home buying process much like flying a kite or strolling along the beach or delicately combing your hair with a boar bristle brush. We feel these shows that we have lovingly and faithfully watched over the years have improperly prepared us for the home buying process so we intend to make one that does. Ready???

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Welcome to the Poop Storm!

A new show dedicated to making your home buying dreams a friggin' nightmare!!!

Here we have a nice couple from Tempe: Nate and Eve. But we'll call them Naeve for short.

Tired of their cramped apartment and hoping to cash in on the $8000 tax credit for first home buyers, Naeve is looking forward to the purchase of their first home! (FYI: they will be using an FHA loan because of the low down payment and decent interest rates.)

Welcome to our show Naeve!

WOAH! Wait guys, don't get too excited, because first you have to find a lender who doesn't speak in code using terms like FHA, COE, FSBO, FICO, or MI. The only acronym you need to know is

POOP!

What does it stand for? Wouldn't you like to know.

So, you found a lender who speaks your language. Great. What mortgage are you pre-approved for? Ooohhh, you don't know if you can even get a house because the ASU student loan website is like deciphering the Rosetta Stone?

No audience, not that Rosetta Stone.

This one:

Alright alright calm down. So you've got the loans figured out. Excellent. Now comes the fun part! Looking at houses! Get out there Naeve and see what that tease of a market has to offer you!

You've found one you like?

Okay, let's see... sorry, that one isn't FHA approved. In fact, some other nice couple put an offer in on it a few months ago and the buyer accepted it. But, a few days from closing, this nice couple's lender pulled their funding because a few owners in the complex were delinquent on their HOA dues. See, you're not the only ones inside THE POOP STORM! (cue thunder and poop filled rain clouds)

You found another one? Great! The listing says it's FHA approved! Even better! Let's make an offer. You want to low-ball it because it's a bit out of your budget? Sounds like a good plan since this one's been on the market for almost TWO YEARS!

How exciting! Your first offer!

Op, nevermind Naeve. The buyer was SHOCKED by your offer and will only go 5k under asking with NO closing costs. Hahahaha that was a total waste of time guys! Practice runs are fun, aren't they?

You love love love a condo on 20th Street? Awesome! Let's submit an offer! Oh, wait a minute, looks like this one is a foreclosure and the lender is accepting multiple bids. Good luck with that. With this market, there are lots of investors with CASH out there. So, you know, your offer doesn't really stand a chance. Oh well Naeve. It was worth a shot right? It wasn't? POOP!

Yay! You've stopped that stress bickering and found another condo that you love! So exciting! Huh. Let me see here... oh, it's a short sale. That just means you have to be patient. And wait. And wait. And wait. You can do that, can't you Naeve?

Bad news guys. This condo hasn't been FHA approved. The seller's real estate agent was a bad real estate agent and didn't do her research and there is NOTHING you can do about it except come up with a 10% down payment. Oh, you don't have $17,500 just laying around for funsies? Too bad.

So, Naeve, your offer is basically MOOT! OR... POOP as we say on THE POOP STORM!

And time's running out because of the tax credit deadline and your loan payment start date? I hear ya.

Oh well Naeve! Hope you enjoy your lovely apartment for another year and. . . .better luck next time on . . . . THE POOP STORM!!!

Where we pop your home buying dream bubble and POOP rains down upon you!!

P.S. True story. Yep. Just call us Naeve.

Who's she?

2009-09-14T08:50:00.018-07:00

Oh parents. They are funny, aren't they? Jay and I often have some good times when regaling stories of past conversations with our parents (mostly my dad. Sorry Dad, but it's true). And, oh boy, do we have some good ones. Now that I'm beginning to feel like an adult (with a possible impending mortgage), I understand that our parents used to be "with it" and know all the celebrity talk, what cool music was, etc. but then their children happened and those extra brain cells went towards incessant thoughts regarding our well being, paying bills, etc. I understand that one day the same brain switch will happen to us and, everytime I laugh at my parent's expense, I know that my role in the parent/child equation will soon change.

Here's a funny and accurate SNL video that Jay and I constantly reference while talking about our parents:

This morning my mom and dad went to get bagels for breakfast. My mom was looking up CNN news stories on her bberry and read about Kanye's behavior at the MTV Video Awards.

In case you missed it:

MTV Shows

She began to tell the crazy events to my dad but didn't get very far... "Kanye West? Who's she?" was my dad's response and then he got distracted and didn't care about the story anymore.

Later, my mom tried again and explained who HE was to my dad and what HE did to Taylor Swift. "Taylor Swift? Who's he?" my dad quickly asked. Needless to say, she dropped the story and changed the subject. Sometimes, we need more than a Mom Translator for my dad. I love you Dad!

A Not-So-Short Sale

2009-08-31T15:16:00.008-07:00

Jay and I have made three offers on three homes in the past week. Sounds exciting but it's mostly frustration with a little excitement thrown in as a tease. I'm not going to post pictures of the homes still on the table for fear of a jinx and, if we make it through this process, our new home will find its way onto the blog. As of todday, there's a small sliver of hope left for two of them.

One house is a foreclosure where multiple offers were submitted and ours isn't at the top of the list. If something goes wrong with Offer #1 then the bank moves down the list of offers until if finds one that works out. Doubt they'll make it to ours but I'm sure stranger things have happened. The other is a so-called Short Sale. What a joker the person who named them that must be. They should be called Wait-around-for-the-lazy-greedy-bankers Sales. Thankfully, the Realtor of the Short Sale has listed the house's status on the MLS as "AWC" instead of "Active".

In the past month or so, Jay and I have learned more about purchasing real estate than we thought was imaginable. The MLS, for those of you out of the loop, is the Multiple Listing Server, which serves as a portal for real estate agents and their clients to view all the homes for sale in Arizona, except FSBO's. FSBO's are homes For Sale by Owner. Homes on the MLS are labeled as either Active, Pending, Closed, Canceled, or AWC. AWC stands for "Active with Contingency". The contingency in our case being that an offer has been submitted but it is contingent on the approval of the bank. The bank. The mythical and illusive Bank that would rather sit on the offer for 30 plus days before approving it or just let it go into foreclosure and then auction it off to the highest bidder. Friggin' banks. Why why why can't they just approve our offer and let us move on with our lives?!?!? A pointless question I know. If the banks were smart institutions then we wouldn't even be in this recession in the first place. A giant slippery slope I know. I'm just not cut out for this waiting game.

I was almost tempted to stalk the homes in question and deter any possible lookie loos by aimlessly shuffling around the neighborhoods in a robe with my hair like this:

But somehow, Jay brought me to my senses, he took my braids out, and now I am satisfying my stress by quietly mumbling to myself about short sales, budgets, and banks. Oh my.

Don't care how...

2009-08-25T10:45:00.007-07:00

I often wonder what my life would've been like with a brother or a sister. It's hard to imagine so I basically give up a few moments after beginning to visualize my life differently. Would I be more patient? Would I be more willing to share with others? My answer to both of these questions is "doubtful". To be perfectly honest, my inner monologue is basically a toned down version of Veruca Salt dancing around the Golden Goose room singing "Don't care how! I want it Now!". Luckily neither my father, nor Jay, is as indulgent when it comes to my demands as Veruca's dad and I'm able to keep my thoughts to myself...most of the time.
As Jay & I have begun the search for a condo/townhome/patio home, my only-child instincts are difficult to contain as I fall in love with homes out-of-our reach financially or for other reasons out of our control. I've heard from multiple sources that I should calm down and "whatever happens is meant to be" and "there's a better house around the corner". Jay has even sung "Que Sera Sera" to me in his best impersonation of Doris Day. Blah blah blah. Whatever. Don't care how...I want a three bedroom two bath patio home-circa 1968 with an atrium now.

Premier League Preview 4: Fighting for the Trophy

2009-08-14T09:54:00.006-07:00

And now for the teams that should finish in the top five places this season:

Manchester United F. C.

Nickname: The Red Devils

Stadium: Old Trafford, aka “the Theater of Dreams” (no, of course Man U doesn’t have overly grand conceptions of itself . . . not at all) in Manchester

Colors: Red, white, and black

Story: Coming off of an extremely successful season last year in which Man U won the Premier Division, the Community Shield, the FIFA Club World Cup, the League Cup, and losing to Barcelona in the final of the Champions League, Man U have had their cabinet of world class players raided a bit by other squads in the off season. Leaving Old Trafford were Carlos Tevez, Cristiano Ronaldo, and Fraizer Campbell (though he was never really a starter for the squad) Man U have added a few players of significance – the oft injured and underperforming Michael Owen, the gifted Antonio Valencia, and Zoran “Bambi” Tosic – but these new additions will not be nearly enough to fill the void left by Ronaldo and Tevez. Built upon a traditionally rock solid defense anchored by Rio Ferdinand and Nemanja Vidic the team will look to quell any doubts about their back line, which was shown up a bit by Barca in the Champions League final. In midfield Nani and new signing Valencia absolutely fly down the wings and have the ability to both deliver accurate crosses as well as put balls in the back of the net. Up front Alex Ferguson will likely pair Wayne Rooney with a rotation of former Spur Dimitar Berbatov, Owen, and Federico “Kiko” Macheda. While Man U will, no doubt, be a strong side this season the departure of Ronaldo will likely hurt more than their fans want to admit. Look for the Red Devils to finish in second or third this season.

Similar to: The New York Yankees – they’re the team that anyone who doesn’t actually watch football says they root for. Easy for those unfamiliar with the game to like because of continued success and quality players, equally easy to hate because of their pompous and arrogant team and fans.

Player to Watch: Wayne Rooney – will absolutely explode this season with the departure of Ronaldo and Tevez.

Chelsea F. C.

Nicknames: The Blues, Chelski (though, supporters would never use this name)

Stadium: Stamford Bridge in London

Colors: Blue and yellow

Story: The team that should win the premier league this season. Chelsea is lead by new coach Carlo Ancelotti who led AC Milan to the Serie A glory last season and has been brought in by owner Roman Abramovich, a Russian oil magnate, to win the Champions League. Ancelotti will likely pair Didier Drogba and last year’s premier league goals leader, Nicolas Anelka, together up front – creating what is likely the most potent striker force in the Premier League. Drogba and Anelka will be supported in midfield by Ancelotti’s diamond formation which looks like it will be comprised of Frank Lampard, Michael Essien, John Mikel Obi (or Obi Mikel) and Florent Malouda (though look for Michael Ballack to get a lot of playing time as well). Yuri Zhirkov, a midfielder as well, was brought in during the transfer window with hopes that he would have the same sort of immediate impact that fellow Russian Andrei Arshavin had when he was bought by Arsenal during the January transfer window last season. However, Chelsea is the team that took the extraordinary talent of Andriy Shevchenko from AC Milan and turned him into a bench player that only sees occasional playing time. Russian players (Shevchenko is Ukrainian but, hey, it was part of the USSR and I figure that’s close enough) for whatever reason, always seem to need a year or two to get acclimated to the style of play in the Premiership, so while hopes are high that Zhirkov will be a wunderkind from day one, look for him to struggle for a season before really coming into his own. Even if Zhirkov doesn’t produce right away Chelsea is loaded with talented outfield players and have one of the finest keepers in the game, Petr Cech, who finally looks to be regaining the form he had before a nasty collision a couple of years ago that almost ended his career. Most importantly for Chelsea they’ve had the lowest amount of turnover, in terms of the big four club, from last year. The familiarity bred from Chelsea’s entire starting lineup from last year remaining in tact should be the final piece to the puzzle that will push them to the top this season.

Similar to: Boston Red Sox – they spend big and have a solid group of experienced, core, players. Also easy to hate.

Player to Watch: Didier Drogba – if he likes his coach he’s virtually unstoppable, if not he’s a petulant mess. So far he seems to like Ancelotti – look out league.

Liverpool F. C.

Nickname: The Reds

Stadium: Anfield (arguable the greatest stadium in the Premiership) in Liverpool

Colors: Red and white

Story: Liverpool, with eccentric head coach Rafa Benitez (cross Bill Belichick with Mike “I’m a Man” Gundy and you get something close to the mad scientist that Rafa resembles), are perennial top four finishers who have been more successful in winning it all in the Champions League than they have in the Premiership in recent seasons. Up front Liverpool are led by Fernando Torres who has, quite possibly, the most beautiful game in England. Dirk Kuyt, the Dutch juggernaut, generally plays a bit behind Torres but can score when called upon to do so. The heart of the team is Steven Gerrard who leads a midfield that will sorely miss the contributions of Xabi Alonso who moved to Real Madrid in the off-season. Liverpool will cause some havoc this year but don’t count on them making a run at the title – they just don’t seem to have the pieces to compete with Man U or Chelsea.

Similar to: Los Angeles Lakers – a beautiful offense led by one man with a strong supporting cast with a surprisingly good defense.

Player to Watch: Alberto Aquilani – out for the first month or two of the season Aquilani was brought in from Roma to replace Alonso and has shown signs of brilliance in Italy.

Arsenal F.C.

Nickname: The Gunners

Stadium: Emirates Stadium in London

Colors: Red and white

Story: The last of the “top four” Arsenal are chalk full of young talent that, in a few years, will compete for the Premier League title. This season, though, the loss of Kolo Toure and Emmanuel Adebayor to Man City will hurt . . . a lot. Manager Arsene Wenger has a plethora of striking options with Robin Van Persie, Carlos Vela, Eduardo, and Nicklas Bendtner all possessing enough skill to regularly start in the Premiership. The midfield at Arsenal is led by Andrei Arshavin and Cesc Fabregas, skilled players who will work with fellow youngsters Samir Nasri (look for the Frenchman to have a break out season), Theo Walcott, Jack Wilshere (only 17 years old) and Emmanuel Eboue. Wenger wants his teams to play beautiful football and at times seems to prize the way the game was played more than the final score. While Arsenal is always fun to watch their youth this season will likely prevent them from competing for the top spot and could allow them to fall out of the top four.

Similar to: St. Louis Rams (from the “Greatest Show on Turf” years) – Always entertaining and explosive.

Player to Watch: Arshavin – after him insane performance during his half-season with Arsenal last year I can’t wait to see what he has in him this year.

Manchester City F. C.

Nickname: City

Stadium: City of Manchester Stadium in Manchester

Colors: Sky blue and white

Story: Purchased by oil billionaire Sheikh Mansour Bin Zayed Al Nahyan Man city have gone on an outlandish buying spree that has seen the following players arrive at the club during the summer transfer window: Roque Santa Cruz, Gareth Barry, Kolo Toure, Emmanuel Adebayor, Carlos Tevez, and possibly (City keep increasing their bid) Joleon Lescott. Additionally, City splashed out big money during the transfer window last season to purchase Robinho, a young and talented Brazilian striker. City has six legitimate first-team strikers (Adebayor, Santa Cruz, Robinho, Craig Bellamy, Benjani, and Tevez) so how manager Mark Hughes allots playing time will be the most important decision the coaching staff make early on in the season. Many question whether Hughes, who is traditionally know for his ability to foster young talent, is the best choice to coach a team filed with so many large egos. It will be interesting to see whether the massive capital investment in City will produce results on the field. With so many new players coming together there will certainly be a considerable feeling out period before they’re comfortable playing with each other. City are the biggest question mark of the upcoming season – while they could conceivably end up in the top four (and likely should, on paper at least) it’s also foreseeable that they could be a case study in dysfunction as various stars fight for playing time and the team could tumble to the bottom half of the table. One thing is for sure – it will be interesting to se how it all unfolds.

Similar to: New York Yankees – “We’ll just buy ourselves a championship”

Player to Watch: Shay Given – The Irish keeper can make some extraordinary saves and is one of the only players to be a certain starter for the team.

Premiership Preview 3: The Good, but not Great

2009-08-13T15:56:00.002-07:00

And now the five teams that should be in the top half of the table and may manage to push their way into the top five spots.

Aston Villa F. C.

Nickname: The Villans

Stadium: Villa Park in Aston, Birmingham

Colors: Claret and sky blue

Story: If Villa hadn’t imploded at the end of last season they would have been the first team in quite some time to break into the top four. Unfortunately for Villa fans, though, the team – and specifically its young, extremely talented striker Gabriel Agbonlahor – simply got tired as the season moved along, allowing Arsenal to grab fourth position. Villa play a very attractive style of football with the speedy Ashley Young bombing down the wings and throwing crosses into the box to Agbonlahor and fellow England international, Emile Hesky. In the off season Villa picked up Stewart Downing from recently relegated Middlesbrough. While Downing is out with a broken foot until the middle of the season when he gets healthy Villa should put on quite the attacking showcase. While the loss of Zat Knight and Stewart Taylor leaves them vulnerable at the back don’t be surprised to see Villa make inroads into the upper echelon of the table this season.

Similar to: The Phoenix Suns circa 2006 – who needs defense when you can score so much?

Player to Watch: Ashley Young – his speed and skill are a marvel to behold.

Fulham F. C.

Nickname: The Cottagers

Stadium: Craven Cottage in Fulham, London

Colors: Red, white, and black

Story: Coming off of their highest finish ever in the Premier League last season when the Cottagers ended up in seventh position Fulham will look to repeat again this year with their effective, albeit slightly dull, brand of Roy Hodgson led football. Hodgson, the manager, preaches a defensive, holding, style of play that is able to frustrate even the most aggressive, attack-minded of clubs. American football fans have gravitated towards Fulham because of the number of U.S. players that have been on the squad (Clint Dempsy, Brian McBride, Kasey Keller, and Eddie Johnson have been or are currently on the squad). Overall Fulham should end up about where they finished last season based on their strong defense and their possession oriented style of play that doesn’t expose many weaknesses.

Similar to: Pittsburgh Steelers – Rely on a great defense and methodical offense to win (look how well it worked for them last season)

Player to Watch: Clint Dempsy – The American striker looks to have a break out year this season.

Everton F.C.

Nickname: The Toffees, The Blues

Stadium: Goodison Park in Liverpool

Colors: Blue, white, and gold

Story: Another preseason favorite to break up the dominance of the big four, Everton are often overshadowed by their cross-town rivals, Liverpool. Coached by David Moyes the Toffees are another tam that uses a solid defense and creative midfield players to make up for the lack of a premier goal scorer. Last season’s squad, though decimated by injuries, was somehow able to finish fifth. With their players healthy again they will surely want to at least match that result again this year. Troubled by increasing bids by Manchester City for their premier defender – Joleon Lescott – Everton fans will be hoping that the player isn’t “unsettled” enough to demand a move (something that , I’m convinced, only happens in European football) to the Galactaico Light squad. Everton should benefit from the return of Yakubu, the Nigerian striker who was forced to miss most of last season due to injury, as well as a full season with Jo, a Brazilian striker, up front. Despite the emergence of a legitimate strike force at Goodison Park (which also includes Victor Anichebe and Louis Saha) the team will continue to live and die with the performance of its midfield comprised of Mikel Artets, Tim Cahil, Marouane Fillanini, and Phil Neville. It will be exciting to see how suck a talented midfield is able to work with a fully stocked selection of strikers this season as Everton push for a Champions League spot.

Similar to: Boston Celtics – No mega-stars (Kevin Garnett notwithstanding) but a deep, solid, team that’s able to get thing accomplished by working together.

Player to Watch: Yakubu – If he can bounce back from injury and regain the form he had a few years ago Everton have a serious chance to be a top four squad.

Tottenham Hotspur F.C.

\Nicknames: Spurs, Lilywhites

Stadium: White Heart Lane in Tottenham, London

Colors: White and blue

Story: A seemingly perennially underachieving squad that never lives up to its pre-season projections Spurs enter the 2009/10 season with diminished expectations – and perhaps that’s a good thing. Saved from relegation by Harry Rednapp who came in mid-season last year Spurs are attempting to form a solid team out of the disparate parts compiled at White Heart Lane by three very different managers over the last few years. Spurs have a glut of strikers with Robbie Keane, Peter Crouch, Jermaine Defoe, and Roman Pavlyuchenko all possessing the skills to be an every match starter. Where Spurs are weak is in defense where Ledley King “leads” the team despite not starting regularly and being unable to train during the week because of chronic knee problems. When healthy King is one of the best defenders in the Premier League and generally pairs at center-back with Jonathan Woodgate, another strong English defender. Verdan Corluka is a solid right back that often pushes forward in support but doesn’t have a consistent counterpart on the left side. Spurs are also full of quality midfield players led by Luka Modric, the crafty Croatian, Wilson Palacios, who adds steel to an otherwise soft midfield, Jermaine Jenas, an excelet technician, and Aaron Lennon who should shine this season as the winger enters his prime. Spurs also have David Bentley (once dubbed the next Bekham) and Giovani dos Santos, an extremely promising young Mexican player, who (unfortunately) don’t see much playing time under Rednapp who is known for rarely allowing those players that aren’t his favorites to try and show what they can do.

Similar to: Chicago Cubs – Somehow it just never works out the way it’s supposed to.

Player to Watch: Luka Modric – the speedy and gifted midfielder is an absolute joy to watch on the pitch.

Unintentional Comedian: Keeper Heurelho “the Big Cat” Gomes – easily the goofiest keeper in the league, Gomes can let in some absolute howlers one game and be unbeatable the next. Below is a picture of him crying, nay bawling, during a match.

West Ham United F.C.

Nickname: The Hammers

Stadium: Upton Park in Newham, London

Colors: Claret and blue

Story: Managed by the energetic Italian Gianfranco Zola the Hammers have an exceptional football academy that has produced talented players such as Bobby Moore, Rio Ferdinand, Frank Lampard, and Paul Ince. West Ham finished ninth last season and will hope that a squad which remains pretty much intact from last year will be able to move up a few pegs in the table this season. The one notable addition so far in the off season is that of Luis Jimenez who is at West Ham on loan from Inter Milan. Like many of the other clubs (save for Spurs and Villa) that find themselves in the top half of the table but never push into the top four, West Ham rely on a solid defense and experienced keeper to remain competitive. Carlton Cole is a speedy forward that never seems to perform up to expectations. Nothing too exciting should be expected from West Ham this season.

Similar to: Chicago Bears – they rely on defense and play a straightforward game. They won’t wow anyone but they manage to win more often than not.

Player to Watch – Jimenez – who knows, maybe he’ll be the shot in the arm West Ham needs to push for European competition next season.

Premiership Preview 3: Bottom Half Mediocrity

2009-08-12T15:11:00.002-07:00

Now for the next five teams in my Premiership Preview. These five squads should remain in the Premier League but will likely be hovering in or around the drop zone for most of the season.

Bolton Wanderers F.C.

Nickname(s): The Trotters, the Wanderers

Stadium: Reebok Stadium in Bolton

Colors: White and blue

Story: With a reputation (earned when the squad was coached by “Big” Sam Allardyce) for being a mean, gritty, in-your-face sort of squad the Wanderers have been able to grind out some success in the Premier League over the past decade. Since Allardyce left in 2007, though, the Wanderers have been attempting to reconcile the rough style of football ingrained in them with the more free-flowing, attacking, and open style that is favored in the Prem. The shift in style from a team that resembles a Bundesliga side to one befitting the English game has started in earnest under manager Gary Megson. While Megson, who began managing the team shortly after Allardyce’s departure, has said that the change in style will not come immediately he is advocating a gradual shift to a more open style of play. Zat Knight, the 6’ 5” defender, was the biggest off-season signing for the Wanderers who will continue to rely mainly on the pairing of Kevin Davies and Johan Elmander, two average strikers, to score goals for the club. Bolton’s style won’t win over many new fans but it should keep them up this season.

Similar to: Baltimore Ravens – tough, nasty, effective.

Player to Watch: Kevin Davies – I suppose if you’re going to watch anyone, it might as well be Davies who at least has the ability to do some creative things with the ball. Whether he’s allowed to is an entirely different question.

Sunderland A.F.C.

Nickname: The Black Cats

Stadium: Stadium of Light in Sunderland

Colors: Red and white

Story: After the relegation of Newcastle United and Middlesbrough at the end of last season Sunderland are the only club from the northeast of England left in the Premiership. Managed by Steve Bruce, Sunderland have made some moves in the transfer window that should allow them to play an attacking, entertaining style of football. The Black Cats brought in Frazier Campbell and Darren Bent, who were both at Tottenham last season (though Campbell was there on loan), up front with Bent being the likely choice to pair with returning Kenwyne Jones. The Tottenham connection continues in the midfield with Steed Malbranque and Teemu Tainio who were both formerly with Spurs. Malbranque is a hard working, sometimes creative, midfielder who can feed strikers while the hard charging Lorik Cana (after watching this video I’m thoroughly afraid of him) who was recently signed from Marseilles can provide a steely presence in front of the back line. Sunderland are my pick for the team that could surprise a lot of people this season and make a run for a European spot. Bent is a quality striker (despite what former manager Harry Rednapp might have to say about it) and Jones will benefit from being paired with someone other than the mercurial Djibril Cisse who was shipped off to Panathinaikos in June.

Similar to: Portland Trail Blazers – they finally have the pieces to make a decent run.

Player to Watch: Darren Bent – a quality striker who can find the back of the net and will have his confidence boosted greatly from knowing he’ll be a consistent first-team choice. Bent will have a chip on his shoulder this season as well after being relegated to the bench at Tottenham last season after he missed a wide open header, despite being the team’s top goal scorer.

Blackburn Rovers F.C.

Nickname: Rovers

Stadium: Ewood Park in Blackburn

Colors: White and dark blue

Story: With the departure of striker Roque Santa Cruz to nouveau riche Man City, Benny McCarthy should be able to emerge as a striker to be reckoned with this season, that is, as long as Sam Allerdyce’s approach to the game doesn’t get in the way. Allerdyce took over the club in the middle of last season after Paul Ince failed to produce results and Rovers were in danger of being relegated. Allerdyce steadied the ship and kept Rovers up with a 15^th place finish. Allerdyce made permanant the loan deal for the talented French defender Gael Givet from Marseille in the off-season and also added the speedy Elrio Van Heerden, a midfielder able to play in virtually any position, from Club Brugge. Rovers also secured 20 year-old Franco Di Santo, a promising Argentinean striker, on loan from Chelsea. While a Di Santo/McCarthy pairing won’t be able to replicate the effectiveness of Santa Cruz and winger David Bentley from a couple of years ago, they do give Blackburn an adequate attack that should provide more creativity than Allerdyce had at Bolton.

Similar to: Seattle Seahawks – with a steady defense and a few speedy guys on offense there’s always the possibility of something impressive, even if the final product doesn’t always live up to expectations.

Player to Watch: Di Santo – He wants to prove that he can hang in the Premiership, if he gets regular starts expect him to make the most of his time on the pitch.

Wigan Athletic F.C.

Nickname: Latics

Stadium: DW Stadium (formerly the JJB) in Wigan, Greater Manchester

Colors: Blue and white

Story: Led by a young and energetic manager in Roberto Martinez, who has never coached in the Premiership before, the squad will hope that their defense, led by Mario Melchiot and Paul Scharner, and goalkeeper – Chris Kirkland – will keep teams at bay while their newly assembled midfield and forwards learn how to work together. With the recent (as in it happened today) sale of the young and talented Lee Cattermole to Sunderland for £6 million (yet another reason Sunderland should be good this season) Wigan will need Charles N’Zogbia, acquired from Newcastle at the close of the January transfer window, to pair well with attacking midfielder Oliver Kapo and new arrivals Scott Sinclair and Jason Scotland. The pair of forwards, along with Marlon King if he gets a shot at starting this season, will be looking to replace the exceptional Egyptian striker Amr Zaki who thrilled Wigan fans early last year before going AWOL in April of this year resulting in Wigan turning down the option to turn his loan deal into a permanent move from his Egyptian club. Wigan also lost Antonio Valencia who was snapped up by Manchester United and has continued to show impressive form since moving to Old Trafford. Wigan will, no doubt, struggle this season but they appear to have enough talent to stay above the relegation battle.

Similar to: Sacramento Kings – they’re always sort-of-ok but never really impress anyone.

Player to Watch: Jason Scotland – brought from Swansea along with Wigan’s new manager Scotland will need to make an impact quickly if Wigan are to do anything significant this season.

Birmingham City F.C.

Nickname: The Blues

Stadium: St. Andrew’s in Birmingham City

Colors: Blue and white

Story: Recently promoted from a short stay in the Championship the team is led by manager Alex McLeish who would like to bring in more players to the club before the start of the season. The Blues look like they need help after falling 4 – 1 to a League Two side (think single A in baseball) and picking up a number of injuries in their defense. Birmingham made a big venture into the transfer market this summer shelling out a reported £7.7 million for Ecuadorian striker Cristian Benitez. Unfortunately for Birmingham, though, Benitez has yet to fully recover from a shoulder operation he had in May and could miss the opening of the season. Of the five teams in this “just above the relegation fray” group, the Blues are the most likely to end up fighting for their lives at the end of the season.

Similar to: Baltimore Orioles – The Orioles are basically completely forgettable, right?

Player to Watch: Benitez – the flashy Ecuadorian striker can impress if healthy.

Premiership Preview 2: Relegation Contenders

2009-08-11T12:52:00.004-07:00

Starting at the bottom, the following five teams will likely be fighting it out amongst themselves to stay up at the end of the season. In no particular order the teams are:

Burnley F.C.

Nickname: The Clarets

Stadium: Turf Moore in Burnley, Lancashire

Colors: Claret and sky blue

Story: Burnley is back in the top flight of English football for the first time since 1976 but is the pre-season favorite to get relegated back to the Coca-Cola Championship. Hailing from the smallest town to have a Premiership side (Burnley’s population is 73,500) the squad is managed by George Clooney look-alike Owen Coyle. Coyle managed to sneak his undersized squad into the Premership by qualifying for the playoffs that determine the third team to gain promotion from the Championship. Burnely’s young squad will need to take as many points as they can from home games if they want to avoid playing back in the Championship next season.

Similar to: The Pittsburgh Pirates – a young, under skilled, team from a small market with a loyal fan base.

Player to Watch: Steven Fletcher – the 22-year old Scottish striker came to Burnley from Hibernian (a Scottish Premier League side) for a club record £3 million. Fletcher had 43 goals in 156 appearances at Hibernian and will look to pair well with Chris Eagles the young winger formerly of Manchester United.

Hull City A.F.C.

Nickname: The Tigers

Stadium: The KC in Kingston upon Hull, East Yorkshire

Colors: Black and amber

Story: After an astonishing start to their first ever trip to the Premier League last year that saw Hull as high as third place, the team imploded in the second half of the season and ended only one point away from relegation. Guided by the eccentric Phil Brown who made waves when he kept his team on the field and berated them in front of the crowd during half time, the Tigers have enough talent to stay up if they’re pushed in the right directions. The off-season acquisition of Jozy Altidore, the American striker on loan from Villarreal, along with a healthy Jimmy Bullard should give them more firepower up front and will hopefully allow them to rely less on set pieces (free kicks, corners, etc.) to score.

Similar to: Kansas City Royals – they don’t look great on paper but when they play the games they seem to fail to live up to even their theoretical ability.

Player to Watch: Geovanni (skip the the 1:30 mark)– the Brazilian midfielder has the skill to strike some amazing goals from distance. A microcosm of the team last year Geovanni started brilliantly but struggled as the season wore on, if he can keep up a steady pace this year and stay out of Phil Brown’s dog house we’ll be sure to see more goals like these.

Stoke City F.C.

Nickname: The Potters

Stadium: Britannia Stadium in Stoke-upon-Trent

Colors: Red and white

Story: Located in Brittan’s pottery capital (thus the nickname) Stoke is reported to be the second oldest professional football team in the world. Stoke relied heavily on their home form to stay in the Premiership last season and will need their supporters at the Britannia to help keep them up again this year. The team relies on it’s gritty, physical plays as well as from long throw ins (more on that in a bit) to score and with a -17 goal differential at the end of last year, the balls are tumbling into the back of the net with frequency. Stoke didn’t do much to improve their offence or help their chances to stay up through transfers this summer, their only notable signing was Dean Whitehead an average winger who came over for £3 million from Sunderland.

Similar to: Colorado Rockies – generally not the best club but always able to beat even great teams when they play at Coors Field.

Player to Watch: Rory Delap – the midfielder/defender with insanely long throw ins provides the spark for many of Stoke’s chances. Of course, the fact that the team has to rely so heavily on a man with a freakish ability to throw a ball in a sport that emphasizes the feet says something about the quality of the Potters.

Wolverhampton Wanderers F.C.

Nickname: Wolves

Stadium: Molineux Stadium in Wolverhamption

Colors: Gold and black

Story: Wolves were, at a time, one of the most successful teams in England (winning three league titles and two FA Cups in the 1950s) but have until very recently, plummeted through the lower divisions. Part of their recent revival was the paring down of their squad in 2006 to their most youthful players and an influx of capital by new ownership in 2007 that allowed the team to couple the raw talent with more experienced veterans. Wolves are led by manager Mick McCarthy who specializes in tempering expectations – a valuable skill as the team attempt to stay up this season. Over the summer Wolves were active in the transfer market bringing in a number of players, most notably Kevin Doyle, a striker from Redding, for a reported £6.5 million. The team has the ability to score goals with the aforementioned Doyle netting 18 from 40 games last season and Wolves star Sylvan Ebanks-Blake scoring 25 times in 41 starts last year.

Similar to: Cincinnati Reds – use to be fantastic now stripped down to a few promising young players and hoping to compete.

Player to Watch: Ebanks-Blake, the exciting young goal scorer will be their best hope of staying up this year.

Portsmouth F.C.

Nickname: Pompy

Stadium: Fratton Park in Portsmouth

Colors: White, blue, and gold.

Story: Portsmouth are currently most experts pick to be a surefire relegation bet as their team is in financial crisis at the moment. After being forced to sell many of their most talented players (Peter Crouch, Glen Johnson) to cover massive debts, being unable to finance a much needed new stadium, and with a much ballyhooed takeover by billionaire Sulaiman al-Fahim looking as if it is jeopardy the team is in a state of freefall. The situation at the club is getting so bad that the players are turning on each other with a fight erupting in the team’s hotel after a loss against Portuguese side Benfica. Pompy’s only hope, at this point, seems to be that al-Fahim will be able to purchase the team and that an influx of capital will allow them to spend like mad during the January transfer window and salvage their season.

Similar to: New York Islanders – terrible finances, terrible stadium, terrible team,

Player to Watch: David “Calamity” James – the former England keeper is (despite the nickname) solid in net and will have to play out of his mind in order to keep Pompy above the drop zone.

Wolf Woof

2009-08-10T17:12:00.003-07:00

Almost every Sunday, you can find me, Jay, & my parents at their house in Gilbert with our heads cocked back howling at the vaulted ceilings. Much to my father's dismay, we are not part-wolf, (we are definitely part somethings- weirdos, maybe?), & our vocal efforts are usually in the name of one familial goal: get Louie to howl. When we all begin to howl, Louie curiously looks up at us, walks around a little bit to feel out the situation, & then, if it's a good day, he lifts his sweet little head up to howl. Adorable & always worth the effort.
While, the four of us make a pretty good wolf ensemble, we are not the real deal & yesterday my dad pulled out his "Legend of the Wolf" c.d. circa 1997 with tracks titled "First Hunt", "Play Fight", & "Rituals of Winter". He played it for Gracie earlier that week but her ears didn't even perk up a little bit. When we arrived Sunday afternoon, he played it for Louie, & here's what ensued...

P.S. If you're interested (of course you are), here's the link & the product description of the wolf c.d. which is available on Amazon for a perfectly reasonable $15.99:
"Original compositions combined with the engaging cries of the Timber Wolf celebrate the romance and the mystery of this fascinating species. Instrumentation includes piano, flute, oboe, percussion, French horn, guitar, violin, cello & double bass."

The Prem is Coming! The Prem is Coming!

2009-08-10T11:13:00.003-07:00

It’s early August which means a few things: it’s too hot, the baseball season is about to go into the stretch run, kids are despondent about giving up their late bed times and empty days in order to go back to school, and the European club football (soccer) season is about to kick off. I have a few weeks left before I have to chain myself to a desk in the law library for one (hopefully) final year so I figured I’d take my free time to be quasi-productive and write about the Barclays Premier League in an attempt to get some people to give professional footy a chance.

During this week I’ll be posting profiles on the 20 teams that make up, arguably, the “best” league of professional football. Today, though, I thought I’d give everyone a bit of a primer and focus on the some of the more attractive points of the Prem. I’m not going to go into any detail on the sport itself – after all, who didn’t grow up playing soccer? – instead I’ll talk about why it’s worth paying your cable or satellite provider a little extra every month to watch a British sports league here in the U.S. as well as highlight some of Premiership's differences from American sports leagues.

The League: The Premier League is the top level of the Football Association (FA) system in Britain. The 20 teams that are in the league represent the absolute best that British Football has to offer. In order to ensue that the level of play stays at a consistently high level the FA, as well as virtually every other European league organization, uses a system of promotion and relegation wherein, at the end of the season, the bottom three teams are relegated to a lower division (the Championship in the FA system) and the top three teams from that division are promoted to the Premier League. To analogize, if every minor league baseball team was its own independent entity and could move up or down in divisions depending on performance, you’d get a similar system. If that system were in place and the major league season ended today Washington, Kansas City, and Pittsburgh would be playing in AAA next year. This format ensures that fans of teams at the bottom of the table stay interested up until the very end as the battle to stay in the top flight. For example, check out this video from the end of last season when Sunderland fans, after their game had ended, stayed in the stadium to await news on the result of another game which would determine whether they stayed in the Prem. or not (they get the good news around 1:00).

The Games: Like all soccer games Premiership matches are broken down into two 45-minute halves with additional, “added time,” tacked on at the end to compensate for injuries or other stoppages of play that occur during the half. The nice part about the set up is that you don’t run into the 30-minutes-to-play-three problem that creeps up at the end of basketball and American football games where the final seconds of a game take half an hour and are interspersed with 12 commercial breaks. You don’t need to set aside an entire evening (or morning in this case, what with the time difference and all) to watch a match and don’t have call and postpone meeting friends somewhere because Dallas managed to save all of its timeouts until after the two-minute warning.

No Steroids!: Unlike present-day baseball, where any hitter that has a marginal up tick in production from one year to the next is suspected of juicing, and unlike football which until very recently gave top honors to players who take steroids, soccer, with its emphasis on speed, agility, and technique, is a sport happily devoid of any PED controversy.

The Transfer System: Unlike all American sports where trades between teams almost always involve either players or draft picks the football “transfer” system is more akin to the real estate market. A team purchases the rights to a player and then works with the player to agree personal terms (wages) that they’ll be paid during the length of their contract. During the “transfer windows,” which are open during the off-season and then again for about a month in the middle of the season, teams can approach other teams and offer to purchase the rights to a given player. If the team owning the rights to the player agrees to the fee the buyer offers then the player generally agrees personal terms with his new team and the transfer is complete with one team getting a new player and the other team getting cash. This process, along with the lack of a salary cap, means that teams with mega-rich owners and exceptionally strong revenue streams tend to stockpile the best talent in the country while poorer teams rely more on mining young talent and signing role players to put together competitive teams.

No Playoffs: Unlike American sports there are no playoffs in the Premier League. Instead, the team with the best record at the end of the year is crowned champion of the league. However, there are a number of tournaments that take place during the season in which teams in the Premier League, as well as the lower leagues, all compete. These tournaments are both within a given league system (the FA has the Carling Cup and the FA Cup) as well as international tournaments like the Champions League (where the best teams from each national league play each other) and the Europa League (where the very good, but not quite the best, teams from the various national leagues compete).

These are just a few of the differences that make the Premier League, and European football in general, great – I’ll cover more over the course of the week.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

2009-08-01T09:15:00.009-07:00

Today is one of the most wonderful days on my calendar. Today is my Daddy's birthday!

He is the best father in the world. I always know that he's there for me whether it's with a joke, a story, a movie, or some good old fashioned fatherly advice. He's the best dad a girl could ask for & I am so blessed that he is mine.

Here I am getting to know my Daddy & his furry mustache.

Here's what looks like one of our first Daddy-Chelsea (& Bogie) movie days.

Daddy helped me build my first snowman.

Here he is helping me ride my big-girl bike for the first time.

After our first bi-plane ride in Sedona. My dad loooves bi-planes!

After my first dance with my Daddy as a married woman. We danced to "Edelweiss" from the Sound of Music which was one of his dad's favorite songs.

Happy Birthday Daddy! I love you!!!

This Ain't No Humble Pie

2009-07-28T16:06:00.012-07:00

For the celebration of his 55th birthday, my father forewent the usual three layer chocolate cake, & requested a blueberry pie.

I had never made a pie from scratch (or non-scratch come to think of it) as I usually find myself in the cookie or cake baker camp. I have always been a tad scared of making my own pastry dough because of the stern warnings & threats that emanate from every pastry recipe I've ever read or any pastry demo I've ever seen on TV.

DON'T OVER MIX THE DOUGH OR IT WILL BE AS HARD AS A ROCK & AN EMBARRASSMENT TO YOUR FAMILY NAME.

KEEP YOUR PASTRY DOUGH COLD & DON'T TOUCH IT TOO MUCH BECAUSE YOU'LL MELT THE BUTTER WITH YOUR DUMB BODY HEAT & COMPLETELY RUIN EVERYTHING!

I proceeded with caution & carefully sifted through recipes to find the perfect one. Of course, I should've known, the perfect blueberry pie recipe came from Martha, the goddess of the home & my constant source of housewivery guidance.

After shopping for a pastry brush at Williams-Sonoma, carefully selecting the right ingredients, & planning the weekend's schedule around the pastry dough's preparation, I executed the recipe flawlessly, if I do say so myself.

And I do say so myself because, great googiley boogiley, the pie was freaking delicious!!!

My hard work & preparation created the perfect golden brown, flaky, buttery, pie crust. And the blueberry filling was sweet (but not too sweet) & tart (but not too tart). And the homemade vanilla ice cream on the side just completed the pie flavor profile circle of life.

Daddy was happy. And so was Mommy & Jay & I.

In the creation of this delicious pie, I have to thank Martha for her commitment to recipe perfection. And I must thank God for his tasty, sweet balls of heaven aka blueberries! Without their help, I wouldn't have the giant pie hubris that I have now. Bring it on Julia Child & your French Tarte aux Pommes!

(visit the best darn blueberry pie recipe link here & here)

Gingy Love. Or Not.

2009-07-27T09:49:00.005-07:00

Jay, Louie, & I stayed at my parents house this weekend to celebrate my dad's birthday. Another attendee was our beloved Gingy.

Louie finally warmed up to him (her?) & took a nap on Gingy's lap.

About 30 minutes later, Louie changed positions & Gingy decided to reciprocate & nap on Louie's lap. Louie did not like this & shunned Gingy with his big scary eyes.

Gingy was a bit frightened by Louie's big scary eyes & took refuge in the cake dome.

Gingy picked himself (herself?) back up today & began to befriend Gracie.

Hopefully this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship for Gingy & Gracie.

Wedding Entrance Dance

2009-07-24T15:42:00.007-07:00

There's no way this would've ever happened at our wedding ceremony. And I don't think the Church or Father Doug would've gone for it either. It's pretty funny though.

Adventures with Cbug!

2009-07-20T18:30:00.002-07:00

This past weekend I left my boys in Arizona & traveled to Utah to visit my best friend Candace (aka Cbug)! I hadn't seen her since my wedding so some serious girl time was long over due. I got there Friday afternoon &, after she picked me up from the airport, we visited Temple Square in downtown Salt Lake & walked around. The grounds around the SLC Temple are beautiful! The flowers are gorgeous & the architecture is amazing too.

I love this plant!

Next we went to dinner at Settebello, a tasty pizza place right down the street from Temple Square. After that we preformed a diligent search for the documentary The Business of Being Born around Provo. We finally found a copy to rent at the Orem Public Library (the Provo Library only had The Business of Dying. Um, no.) & watched it at home while poor Curtis watched movies on his laptop in the guest bedroom. Candace made us mini piezookie's for dessert! She puts some cookie dough in the bottom of ramekins & bakes them until they're ooey gooey in the center then puts some vanilla ice cream on top. Soooo tasty!!! We stayed up way past Cbug's bedtime talking & having girl time.
The next morning we woke up & went to the Oquirrh Mountain Temple to take a tour before it's dedicated in August. It was interesting to go inside because, since I'm not LDS, I've never been inside a Temple. The exterior & interiors were beautiful & I learned a lot during the tour. Here are some pretty exterior shots...

Here's a little shot of Provo. See that thing in the background? That's a mountain. We have big hills in Arizona. Utah has gorgeous mountains!

After the tour, we went back to the house to rest up & eat. Next, we drove into the canyon & went for a hike. I don't remember what the trail area was called but it was beautiful! We took Hayden with us since his mom (also Candace's mom) was out of town. He had this awesome back pack that held our water bottles, phones, camera, & my inhaler. Quite the helpful pack mule!

There were these giant dandelions everywhere.

We were a little sweaty while hiking & we were so hot that we even snuck a few slurps of creek water off the trail. It was ice cold & delicious! No stomach bugs yet...

When we got home from the hike, we took our shoes off & realized we were filthy! We had "man legs" because all the dirt residue looked like long Robin Williams type hair. Lovely.

That night (after we scrub scrub scrubbed ourselves in the shower) Cbug made us her famous enchiladas & I (finally) wrote the recipe down because when we lived together they were my & Jay's favorite. So good. After that we watched another girl movie, Waitress, while Curbo was, again, relegated to the guest bedroom to watch movies on his laptop. Poor Curbo! He didn't stand a chance with the Dream Team back together for a weekend!
Sunday morning we rolled out of bed & went to Candace's mom Denise's house (she got back Saturday night) for breakfast. Yummy blueberry muffins & scrambled eggs! With full bellies we went home & showered up for church. After church was over it was time for me to pack up & head for the airport. I was a little depressed to leave my bestie Cbug because we always have such a great time together discussing everything from belts to babies (mostly babies). Luckily, she & Curtis are coming to AZ in August for Cur's sister's wedding & then again in October for Amanda's (Gal Pal's) wedding. Maybe Jay & I will have to visit in December for a little skiing & snow time???

Holly's Inbox

2009-07-20T16:20:00.013-07:00

A few weeks ago I read a book called Holly's Inbox (visit Amazon link here). It's 672 pages but a very quick read as it is in email form. Holly is a new receptionist at a large corporate office in London & the book is a peek into her office inbox. She receives & sends messages to her crazy friends, crazy family, crazy co-workers, & a co-worker turned boyfriend. Anyway, it's a fun & easy (so easy) read & I'd recommend it to a lady in her twenties to sixties who enjoys the occasional eavesdrop.

When Chelsea's Away . . .

2009-07-18T15:49:00.019-07:00

Chelsea is out of town this weekend visiting our friends Curtis and Candace in Provo and, hopefully, enjoying her respite from 115 degree temperatures. When I got back from dropping Chelsea off at the airport I was surprised to find Lou, normally quite the mamas boy, excited to have her out of the apartment -- if only for the weekend.

Lou kicked off his "weekend of freedom" as he's calling it by helping do the laundry, for someone that lacks opposable thumbs he's quite good at folding.

While Lou was folding my clothes I was vacuuming and cleaning up in the kitchen. When I went to put some things away in our bedroom I found Lou hard at work mopping in our bathroom. I'm not sure what made him decide to get motivated and help me clean but I wasn't about to complain. The oddest part about seeing Lou mopping was the fact that he was really enjoying it. In fact, he was so happy with how spotless the bathroom was that he asked me to take a picture of him next to his new favorite cleaning utensil.

Lou was pretty tired after mopping and folding clothes (he's only two feet tall when standing on his back legs so it takes a lot of effort to push a mop around what with his lack of leverage and all) so he decided to take a nap in his favorite spot on the bed -- Chelsea's pillow. I couldn't hear exactly what he was saying as he dozed off to sleep but I think it was something to the effect of "Chelsea's in for a rude awakening if she thinks she's ever getting her spot back."

Before he fell asleep, Lou had asked me to run to the store and grab him something he's been missing desperately for the past few months, decent toothpaste. Lou was so excited that he was finally going to be able to brush his teeth with "something that doesn't have a flavor profile akin to packing tape" that he was licking his lips as soon as I walked in the door.

We were both excited that Chelsea had opted to go out of town on a weekend that the Cardinals were playing the Diamondbacks. While Chelsea is actually very accommodating when it comes to letting me watch the Red Birds when they're on TV Lou said he was excited to be able to talk baseball without worrying that he was boring her. Here he is wearing wearing a Cardinals hat and cheering on Chris Carpenter as he pitched eight solid innings:

After the game was over we watched the first of three Arturo Gotti fights that HBO was rebroadcasting because of his recent murder. Lou was channeling his inner pit-bull the entire time, at one point he got so excited I thought he was going to try and fight me.

I guess the boxing got Lou thinking about Vegas because as soon as it was over he called some of his friends and had an all-dog poker game. I wasn't allowed to play (and, in fact, was relegated to serving kibble and being called a "lousy two-legger" by some of the more unsavory pups) but Lou did at least let me take a picture of him with his winnings.

After the game ended Lou, who had been drinking heavily all night decided that he wanted to"watch a movie that Mom won't ever let me watch." I was more than happy to oblige as the movie in question was the incomparable Top Gun.

I ended up going to bed before the movie was over -- picking up after six poker-playing dogs isn't easy. When I woke up in the morning and realized that Lou wasn't in the bed I got a little concerned. Turns out he had a few too many beers and crashed in the living room. When I woke him up this morning he wasn't feeling too great, to say the least. He's been taking it easy today, drinking lot of fluids and avoiding sunlight. Hopefully he's learned his lesson, I know he's not looking forward to getting reprimanded when Chelsea gets home.

Julie and Julia

2009-07-17T13:07:00.005-07:00

Last night my mom and I went to a screening of Julie and Julia with Meryl Streep and Amy Adams. It was tight security at the theatre and we were wanded and our purses were checked for cameras and camera phones. My dad advised my mom to keep her blackberry with her because of the heat so we sneakily hid it in my empty sunglasses case. My mom said that we'd make good drug dealers because not only are we creative and unsuspecting, we are also quite good at lying to the teenage personnel in charge of the screening.
It was a wonderful movie based on two books of which I have not read. Half of the movie was about Julia Child and the years she spent in France after WWII learning how to cook and writing her cookbook "Mastering the Art of French Cooking". The other half follows Julie a New Yorker in 2002 who works in a cubicle with a pretty depressing job answering insurance claim calls from people affected by 9/11. Because of her love of cooking and need of an escape from her 9-5 job, she decides to work her way through Julia Child's cookbook and write a blog about it. The movie switches back and forth between the two woman's struggles and accomplishments as they master the art of French cooking. I went into the movie thinking that surely one story would be more interesting than the other but, I was equally invested in both of the woman's journeys. My mom and I both agreed that we'd give it 3 out of 4 stars.
P.S. Why don't we eat aspics anymore?

Not a Fan

2009-07-15T14:57:00.005-07:00

Lou didn't show much interest in Monday night's Bachelorette.

I'm not sure if he doesn't care about Jillian & her quest for love or if he's just not that into it now that this hussy, is out of the picture:

And Bingo Was Her Name-o

2009-07-14T20:05:00.009-07:00

Because it's insanely hot here right now, we have to think of activities that can be done (a) in the early morning, (b) at night, or (c) indoors with ample frigid air conditioning. Being that I enjoy my sleep-ins on the weekend, I tend to adhere to the latter two options. Sunday, my mom & I along with my boss & her cousin's daughter (who's staying with her for the summer), went to play Bingo at a casino.
Step one in "Mission: Bingo" would include getting to the actual casino. Google gave me the old address of the casino & I ended up in some sketchy industrial park in Chandler. In trying to find my way to the new (& much improved) address, I got lost & ended up on a highway to Mexico (as seen below).

Luckily, Jay was happy to pause his X-Box long enough to steer me in the right direction via cell phone & I was only ten minutes late.
Bingo at the casino is serious. People get there an hour early to purchase their bingo cards, food, drinks, set up their area, & take a few potty breaks in between. After the game starts (it's four hours & there are multiple games), the room gets really quiet as players listen for the numbers to be called out, tension builds while the game progresses, & then suddenly someone yells "Bingo!".
Unfortunately no one in our group ever yelled Bingo. There were a few mumbled "Darnits" & "Shootskies" though.

We all had a great time despite our bad luck (I was so close one time! If only I-23 came up instead of B-4...) &, if spending time outdoors is still unbareable, we might go again in a few months.

Paris When it Sizzles

2009-07-13T14:30:00.016-07:00

Allons enfants de la Patrie, le jour de gloire est arrivé!

Joyeux Quatorze Juillet! Today the French (and Jay & I) are celebrating Bastille Day!

In case you are a Francophile like us, here are some articles that might satisfy your French cravings on the country's biggest holiday.
"Parlez-Vous Bastille Day?" by Jeffries Blackeryby
&
"Festivities, Military, and Otherwise, on France's Biggest Day" by Rebecca Appel

Even at six...

2009-07-11T13:27:00.012-07:00

Jay & I have been watching some of his home movies recently. I love seeing what he was like as a kid because he really hasn't changed at all. Here's a clip of him when he was only six years old having a conversation with his cousin Matt (who's five & a half) about the pros & cons of being an airplane pilot. I always ask myself why Jay knows so much about everything & from this clip it's obvious that he was just born a know-it-all. (Jay's on the left of the screen, Matt's on the right, & the quality isn't the greatest.)

Silver Lining

2009-07-10T13:12:00.004-07:00

The only good thing I've found about MJ's death, is the sudden absence of Jon & Kate in the media. Finally. It was getting old wasn't it?

I consider myself to be an expert on the Gosselin family as I can (not proudly) say that I have seen every episode of their show. I tuned in to see the adorable kids and their parents were just a requisite sideshow. Just in case you are missing the media storm around the reality show turned train wreck, here are a few funny (and pretty accurate) videos from Funny or Die dot com.

Kate Gosselin Match.com Profile Video - watch more funny videos

Match.com-Jon Gosselin - watch more funny videos

Resource Guarding

2009-07-09T09:21:00.007-07:00

Disclaimer: There is a messy kitchen in the photos below. There are no excuses other than me being lazy.
After a little research into Louie's unsightly behavior last weekend, I've learned that he's not purposely being aggressive towards other dogs, he's "resource guarding". Some dogs are protective of their toys, others their food, and our Louie is protective of us. So, in his case, the "resource" that he's guarding is us.
This couldn't have been more clear last night. Louie & I got home around 5:30pm & I knew Jay wouldn't be home until 8:30pm because he went to his clinic's professor's house straight from school to watch a documentary on wrongful convictions. Normally, Jay is home before us so Louie skips around the apartment when we get home looking for him & then is stuck to him like glue for the rest of the night. Last night, for three hours, Lou didn't take his eyes off the front door. I called him many times to come sit with me on the sofa or onto the patio as I attempted to re-pot our new basil plant, but he wouldn't join me. Instead, he sat staring at the front door like he was willing Jay to come through it with his mind.
He started in the entry...

About thirty minutes later he moved a little further back...

After forty five minutes he sat down...

Next, he got into his favorite chair to rest but never took his eyes off the door...

After three hours of keeping watch, Louie's wish came true & Jay walked through the front door. After scratching on the bathroom door & whining while Jay changed, Louie was finally at peace & got some much needed Daddy Love.

So, now I'm faced with the task of curbing his "resource guarding" tendencies. I fear it's going to be rather tricky because it's clear that he has strong, deep, & unwavering feelings for his favorite male "resource".

Louie's Independence Day

2009-07-06T13:46:00.012-07:00

Independent, as defined by Webster's Dictionary, can mean not subject to control by others, self-governing, & not affiliated with a larger controlling unit.

This weekend, as our nation celebrated its independence, Louie expressed his independence from me & Jay.

On Saturday, we went to our friend's house to meet their new puppy, a labradoodle, Porter. Porter is only 8 weeks old and without his fluffy hair, is half Louie's size. As soon as we got to the house, I greeted Porter & within a few minutes Louie decided that he didn't like this new pup &, without even giving him a chance, started a low growl in Porter's general direction.

Louie is so passive aggressive that he wouldn't face Porter to express his distaste but instead he looked into space, opened his eyes as large as possible, & shifted his eyes towards Porter like a ventriloquist's dummy & then growled. This went on for the entire day. Nothing Jay and I did changed Lou's behavior. We tried a stern "Louie" with angry eyes, we tried a little love tap, & we even tried picking him up & giving him a we're-so-disappointed-in-you face. He definitely was acting like he wasn't controlled by the larger unit of his parents. Luckily there wasn't constant growling but if Porter moved around at all, Lou would growl. By the end of the night, Porter didn't even have to move to warrant a growl from Lou. He would just guess that the puppy might be moving & begin to growl.

So, last night I dusted off one of my puppy training books & read a chapter titled "Plays Well With Others". Hopefully with a little work we can turn this self-governing bratty dog train around. Next Saturday, our presence has been requested at another party where Porter the Puppy will be in attendance. Hopefully Louie the Gentleman, & not his evil twin Louie the Incorrigible, will be in attendance as well.

Puppy Love

2009-07-01T16:35:00.004-07:00

In case you were wondering what Lou is up too...

he's hanging his head off the sofa while in a comatose state...

he's living up to his nickname "The Crack Baby"...

(P.S. Not sure why Jay has a random t-shirt laying across his body...)

he's playing footsie with Sissy Gracie...

(I guess, in addition to her "little hand", my mom has a "little foot" that sneaks into pictures too...see here.)

Definitely Older & Perhaps Wiser

2009-06-30T14:15:00.008-07:00

I'm not sure if you'd call it "Greater Awareness" or "Obsessive Compulsive Disorder" or "Getting Old" but I'm slowly growing more opinionated about random specific topics. And now that I'm living with Jay, more light has been shed on my inner monologue than ever before.

Take toothpaste for example. Toothpaste is a Hot Topic at our house after I discovered PETA's list of companies that do & do not test on animals a few months ago. My favorite toothpaste, Crest, was on the Do list. Also, it's made in China. I stopped purchasing it & switched to the Made in USA & Do Not list company Tom's of Maine. Jay doesn't like how it tastes or the fact that during its last week of use the almost-empty metal tub gets rather pokey on the sides. "Too bad." I tell him "We're supporting Americans & animals."

Bread. One day while at the grocery store a few years ago, I looked at the ingredients list on the bread I was purchasing. High Fructose Corn Syrup was listed in font size 6. I searched for a good five minutes before I found a brand without it. This disturbed me & now the bread we buy doesn't have it.

Tennis Shoes. It was an NPR Story a few months ago about how New Balance is the only major shoe brand that is still manufactured in the USA. Next pair of tennies will be New Balance.

J.Crew & Target. My two favorite stores. $85 for a sweater at J. Crew. $19.99 for one at
Target. Both made in China. While I'm not paying full price for anything at J. Crew anymore (ridiculous!) I don't have any alternatives yet but I am working on it...

Perhaps the increase of opinions is due to an increase in knowledge &, like a fine wine, I'm just growing better with age. I am going to assume that this is just a side affect of getting older & therefore wiser. Or, at least, that's what us old people tell ourselves.

Worky Work Busy Bee

2009-06-26T14:31:00.007-07:00

Jay & I have been so busy lately. His work at the law clinic has pretty much consumed his lazy summer days &, with a few new clients under our belt, my office is consumed with projects as well. This is always good news. Except when you just want to lay in the sun/shade all day or watch Weeds DVDs.
In other news, I've finally joined 2009 by purchasing a calendar. Now, if only the sweaters I wore during our honeymoon would magically dance out of the trunk of my car & into the dry cleaners. Yes, they've been there for six months. No, this is not something that I'm proud of. If I'm being completely honest with myself, they will most likely remain there until winter.

Father's Day Questionnaire

2009-06-21T11:26:00.004-07:00

After the Mother's Day Questionnaire, Margaret & Dave asked Jay & his brothers to answer some questions. Here are Jay's answers...

As a child, what is your most memorable family gathering?
Probably our trip to San Francisco to see Amy and Bill get married. I think the fact that all of us (the boys) were old enough to actually enjoy the trip and control the persistent impulse we had to smack one another in the car made it more enjoyable than other trips. It was also, I’m convinced, the time that I developed my phobia (if you can even call it that) of loud, sudden, noises. After dinner in Chinatown our first night I was walking ahead of everyone else back to our car and Dad decided it would be fun to hit the panic button just as I approached the hood. I must have jumped eight feet in the air and the energy my heart was producing likely could have provided electricity to a small neighborhood for a week. Aside from developing a now debilitating condition I also thoroughly enjoyed the wedding and reception, our hike through the Redwood forest (complete with Mom’s “it must be nice to be able to pee anywhere” comment), and the mad rush across town to make it to the rehearsal dinner when Dad failed to realize that the docks in the city aren’t in sequential order.

What is the one family dish you wish you could have again?
It isn’t a “dish” per se, but the pastries that we ordered for Christmas morning from some place in Wisconsin. They were the size of a wreath and provided enough sugar to allow you to play with your toys from 5:30 (when we invariably got up to open presents) until around 10:00 or 11:00 at which time the sugar coma took hold and a long winter’s nap was had.

When were you most thankful you had a parent at your side?
Arkansas, one summer, when I had an ear infection and Mom took me to urgent care. While she was talking to the admitting nurse I stood up, got incredibly nauseous, and (seeing no trashcan or toilet in sight) proceeded to vomit all over the waiting room. Were she not there I think I probably would have ran out of the office in embarrassment. Luckily though she and the nurse ushered me to an exam room and allayed my fears when she returned and said “I don’t think any of your throw up got on that baby [who was in a car seat on the floor].” – phew.

Also, my wedding because . . . well, it was my wedding.

When did your parents most embarrass you?
When I had just started dating Chelsea and all of us went to a miniature golf course. We were having a great time until Mom decide to trip over the phantom cord strung between two trees and tumbled, purse contents flying, in front of not only our family but a number of other miniature golfers. I guess if this is the most embarrassing moment then my parents really haven’t done too much to embarrass me.

What gift surprised you the most? (gift can be from anybody)
One Easter we were up in LeRoy and in my basket were two tickets to a Cardinal’s game (I think they played the Pirates and, if I remember correctly, it ended up getting rained out). I was so shocked because out Easter baskets normally consisted of a couple different types of candy, jelly beans, and not much else so to get something as fantastic as Card’s tickets was, to say the least, unexpected.

What adult or teacher made the biggest impression on your life?
Hmm, aside from my parents I’m not sure. I’ve been fortunate to have had a lot of great teachers but I don’t think that there is one who stands out as making the biggest impression on my life.

Is there anything you have always wanted to tell dad or mom, but never have? Not that I can think of.

Is there anything you regret not having asked your parents?
I don’t think so, I was pretty inquisitive back in the day.

What trait/characteristic/gene are you glad you inherited?
From Dad – realizing that I’m not entitled to anything and that I need to work to get where I want to be. Also, the fact that I work out any frustration through cleaning (luckily I didn’t inherit the Throw-The-Electronic-Gadget-Across-The-Room-When-It’s-Not-Working gene)

From Mom- Optimism, the belief that everything will work out and the ability to laugh off almost anything.

What trait/characteristic/gene do you wish you’d never inherited?
Susceptibility to ear infections and the gene that makes me take a huge, awkward, step whenever there’s a loud noise that I’m not expecting.

Bonus question: Is there anything you’ve observed in our marriage or parenting that you’d like to have in your marriage or parenting? If so, what?
The ability to still take time for your relationship and have fun without the kids from time to time.

Happy Father's Day!

Working Girl

2009-06-18T16:41:00.001-07:00

Last week Jay, Louie, & I made the long journey to Gilbert to take care of Sissy Gracie while Mom visited Dad in Fishkill.

Sissy Gracie went with me & Louie to her first day of work...

Sissy didn't want to use the bed at first...

But she finally warmed up to it.

She liked the carpet samples more.

Gracie needed a little extra attention as the day went on...

So I administered kisses as needed.

Gracie was so happy to finally go home after a long day & a long commute...

And she slept well that night knowing that when her mom came back home she wouldn't have to go to work again.

The Real Housecookie of Fishkill

2009-06-15T16:21:00.016-07:00

(Read here & here to learn about Gingy)
Gingy has been busy the last few days while on "vacation" in Fishkill, New York. Gingy's had to learn pretty quick that going from a Housecookie (see housewife) to a Hotelcookie is hard work.

To not come across as a stuck-up hotelcookie, Gingy has to be polite & get to know the staff at the hotel...

(Missing from the photo is the receptionist who was willing to play along up to a point)

Even though it's not as cushy as home, Gingy likes the hotel because the room numbers are strategically located for the vertically challenged...

Gingy had it rough today. Gingy had to do some real hotelcookie work with Mom. Gingy helped with the laundry...

Then Gingy worked up a sweat in the gym. Gingy is learning that being a trophy cookie comes with it's fair share of gym time.

Even though it's not Gingy's style, Gingy had to spend some time with the Walites (as Dad calls them) & travel to Wally World to grocery shop for Dad. Gingy agrees with Mom that Dad's diet has been less than stellar while in Fishkill (read here), so along with fruits & vegetables, they also purchased some healthy cereal.

What a good hotelcookie Gingy is! Dad rewarded Gingy with a brownie after a hard day! Gingy was so exhausted from a day in the life of a hotelcookie that he (or she?) didn't mind snacking on his (or her?) chocolatey cousin.

Oh the Places Gingy Will Go

2009-06-12T12:58:00.012-07:00

If you're wondering who Gingy is, read here.
It's another wonderful day for Gingy in New York with my mom & dad. Today they traveled to Hyde Park to visit FDR's home &, although Gingy couldn't tour the home, (they have a strict no stuffed cookie policy), he did enjoy the trip there.
My dad happily let him ride on his lap...

And then he even let Gingy drive for a bit...

Next, he bought Gingy a toy to keep him occupied while they toured the house...

Here's Gingy enjoying the greenery of New York. My mom said he's smiling so big because all the trees remind him of Christmas (which his favorite time of the year in case you didn't notice his outfit).

Oh Gingy, you lucky son of a gingerbread woman, I'm so jealous you to get to visit my dad while he's away on business. I miss him so much & can't wait for him to come home in a month. I hope you're enjoy your time with him. He's still my dad though. Don't you forget that.

Escape to New York

2009-06-11T14:36:00.016-07:00

My mother is part of a Bunco group. Here is an accurate description from Wikipedia of what Bunco is in case you A. are a man or B. just awoke from a cryogenically frozen state.

In recent years, the game has seen a resurgence in popularity in America, particularly among suburban women. As it is played today, Bunco is a social dice game involving 100% luck and no skill (there are no decisions to be made), scoring and a simple set of rules. Women who are part of a Bunco club take turns as the Bunco hostess, providing snacks, refreshments and the tables to set up the games. The hostess may also provide a door prize. Small amounts of money can be involved as well. The object of the game is to accumulate points and to roll certain combinations. The winners get prizes (provided by the hostess or pooled from the club resources) for accomplishments such as the highest score, the lowest score, or the most buncos. Prizes frequently center on themes associated with the game such as fancy dice, dice embedded in soap, t-shirts featuring illustrations of dice, etc.

The ladies in her Bunco group like their themes & most of the time my mom comes home with some interesting prizes. For example, a resin turkey figurine, a mini iron rocking chair with an electrical tea light, & my personal favorite, a stuffed gingerbread man.
My mom was going to sell the gingerbread man at a yard sale but I protested. So, he lived on top of the refrigerator in the garage for a good six months. One day, a few months ago, Jay & I invented a game where we hide Gingy, as we affectionately call him, around the house & laugh when my mom finds him. We've hidden him behind the pillows on the bed, in the bathroom cabinet, & in her car. It's all about highbrow intrigue at the Harwood home.

This week we preformed a stunt so bold & so daring that I'm surprised we were able to pull it off. I distracted my mom by asking her to serve some cheesecake for me & Jay while I snuck Gingy into the outside pocket of the suitcase she was packing for her trip to New York to visit my dad. The whole night I expected her to find him but she didn't. When she was at baggage claim after landing in New York last night, I told her that I left something from a previous trip in the front pocket of her suitcase & asked her to check if it was there. She searched for a while & finally exclaimed "OH MY GOODNESS! WHEN DID YOU PUT HIM IN HERE?!". I'm sure her fellow airplane passengers were quite confused as to why a grown woman was yelling while holding a stuffed gingerbread man in an airport in June.
Now that the shock of finding the stowaway has worn off, my mom is going to document Gingy's adventures in New York. Here's what he's been up to today:
Reading up on where to go in The Big Apple...

Getting some business done...

And getting pretty for a night out on the town.

Stay tuned to see where Gingy will go next...

Birthday Celebration: Part 1

2009-06-10T11:42:00.010-07:00

Friday night I surprised Jay by making him a yummy birthday dinner (as surprising as cooking while he's fifteen feet away can be). We had Giada's Shrimp Fra Diavolo with linguine (recipe here) & it was quite delicious if I do say so myself. We've only had it once before since the shrimp are expensive. Frozen shrimp grosses me out as well as cleaning fresh ones so I pay the extra five dollars/pound for the ones that are already de-pooped & legless.

Pasta sauce

Next, it was time for a card & presents.

An away jersey of his favorite soccer team, Tottenham.

And a new Fred Perry polo.

We were so hungry by the time we ate that I forgot to take a picture of the final product. So here's what it looks like when it's a mess & all the shrimp are gone.

Next, a mini chocolate lava cake from AJ's. I was singing to him & the air conditioner blew the candle out on my third "happy" so we re-lit it & stood further away from the vent.

Jay was excited when I told him that I got myself a mini lava cake too so we didn't have to share. Sharing is the worst. Especially on your birthday.

Happy Birthday Jay!

2009-06-09T13:44:00.009-07:00

Today my husband turns the big 2-5. He's officially lived a quarter of a century &, let me tell you, 25 never looked so good!
Jay is the most wonderful person & husband. He's the biggest sweetheart you'll ever meet & an example of this is that he sent me flowers today. On his own birthday. He sent me flowers. Yeah, that's right ladies, you're too late. I could talk all day about how wonderful he is but I'll spare you the sap & just tell you that Jay is amazing & I'm so blessed to call him my husband & best friend.

Happy birthday Husband! I love you!

In need of some Jeromatherapy

2009-06-08T14:49:00.036-07:00

Last weekend Jay & I, along with our friends Sean & Kristin, drove to Jerome to partake in Jeromatherapy. What's Jeromatherapy you ask? Well it's awesome & it's what I imagine to be 1/1000 of what Woodstock was. So basically, a smaller version of the hippies+good music=good times formula. What follows is a true story of what happens when hippies throw a festival.
Our journey began last week when Jay asked if I wanted to go see our friends' band, What Laura Says, perform in Jerome. We hadn't seen the guys since the wedding & it sounded like fun so I said yes. Sean planned everything & since all the hotels & B&B's were booked in Jerome he booked rooms at the Quality Inn in Cottonwood which is only five minutes away. The information we had about the music festival was quite limited. The only thing I could find was a myspace page which I should have taken as a sign of what was to come. Upon gathering in the car to make the two hour drive on Saturday morning, none of us really knew where in Jerome the festival was being held. Jay said "I think it's at a bar called the Old Gold Mine". Sean said "My friend told me it's inside a mine & different bands play in different tunnels but I don't really trust this person." I said "I'm sure we'll see where it is when we get there." We arrived at the Quality Inn in Cottonwood & asked the desk attendant in the sleeveless shirt where this festival was. He didn't know but had heard of the Old Gold Mine & he proceeded to describe a drive that we all later agreed sounded like something a Norman Bates type hotel manager might say to lure a group of kids to a strange place & attack them.
We arrived in Jerome & it's such a pretty town.

We stopped at the Haunted Hamburger restaurant & had a great time describing the fun times that lay ahead at the festival in the bar or in the mine or in the back of the desk attendant's van.
Next, we stopped to throw coins into some old toilets.

After emptying Kristin's coin purse, we continued our journey to Jeromatherapy.

Against our better judgement, we took the hotel desk attendant's directions & followed a road up to a mine. Surprisingly, he was right about the location & we paid our $20 per person to the group of shady guys standing at the "entrance" to the festival. They stamped our hands with a stamp that read "Tempe P.D. Best Print Obtainable".

We drove in & here's what we saw:

The festival was not in a mine but on top of one & all the festival attendants had already set up their tents on the perimeter of the rocky plateau. I'm pretty sure we were the only ones who stayed in a hotel. "No, we're not camping. We're staying at the Quality Inn in Cottonwood" never sounded so uptight & snobbish.

The scenery was quite beautiful despite the intermittent dust storms.

We parked our car next to this hippie dude's van. He enjoyed dancing to all the bands & eventually switched his straw hat to a Bob Marley Rastafarian one complete with long black dreadlocks.

Sean & Kristin wisely backed the car into a "space" on the perimeter on the festival & I spent the majority of the day there with Kristin as we discussed the people that went by. These people included hippies with long patchwork skirts, hippies with dogs, hippies dancing with hula hoops, & hippies with "special" cookies.

Here's where Jay stood & kept watch as his lips got sun burned.

The food was cheap & delicious. I had chicken tacos & thankfully Jay snapped a picture while I was chewing them.

Festival at night.

Standing by the trashcan fire to keep warm.

Black Carl performing. They're really good.

Finally, after seven hours of festival What Laura Says performed & they did not disappoint. We've known James (left) & Danny (right) since high school & it's been quite exciting to see them grow from dudes messing around with their guitars into a popular local band with songs you can (& should) buy on iTunes.

We left the festival at 11:10pm & went to the Denny's in Cottonwood for some greasy goodness. To make a long story short (too late) the hippies are friendly &, surprisingly, throw a good festival.

Big Mistake

2009-06-05T10:51:00.008-07:00

For the 600th issue of Archie, rumor has it that Archie will ask Veronica for her hand in marriage. In my opinion, Archie is making a big mistake. He should marry Betty not Veronica. All these years I've spent pulling for the girl-next-door & now he's just going to ruin it all by marrying the rich snob. But then again maybe he'll pull an "Archie" & change his mind at the last minute once he realizes that blonds really are the best choice.

Up

2009-06-01T14:00:00.002-07:00

This weekend my mom, Jay, & I went to see Up in 3D. It was sold out at the first movie theater so we traveled to another one about fifteen minutes away. In the parking lot on our way to theater one my mom & I saw something someone should never see...
A mom was putting her baby in his car seat in the parked car next to ours. My mom & I both walked by & watched as she dropped a pacifier on the ground. She picked it up & smiled at us as she turned around & stuck it in her baby's mouth. That's right. She picked it up off the nasty parking lot asphalt & put it straight into her's baby's mouth. She didn't wipe it off on her shirt, suck the dirt off with her own mouth, or, the best choice, give her baby a different clean pacifier. She saw us watching & did the dirty deed anyway. We were sufficiently grossed out for a good five minutes.
Lucky for us, we were able to forget about it for 96 minutes. We scored some seats at the second theater & thoroughly enjoyed Up. I cried three times. Jay laughed at me each time I lifted my 3D glasses to wipe the tears away. It's a funny & sweet movie that you should definitely see in the theater.

My Kind of Town: Part 2

2009-05-29T08:59:00.003-07:00

Friday, Jay & I took the Metra train from The AH to Chicago. Ever since his family moved to Illinois almost five years ago, I've been trying to get to the Shedd Aquarium. We finally made it this trip. It is a nice aquarium but not as amazing as the New England Aquarium in Boston. Sorry Chicago.

I did enjoy taking pictures of the creatures there & here are my favorites.

This little guy wouldn't sit still for a photo. He's a Leafy Sea Dragon & was quite breath taking in person.

I am obsessed with this chameleon's skin texture, hands, & feet. Amazing.

Here he is a few moments later with a little more red on his belly.

Because I can't contain myself, I talk to all the animals before taking their picture (which occasionally embarrasses Jay). I think this guy was trying to tell me something.

I'm not much of an iguana person but this guy's coloring was so pretty. Plus he sat still unlike all the fishies who insisted on constantly swimming.

Dipsy (which I named him later that day) was sitting like this just waiting for me to take his portrait. The patterns on his skin are fantastic.

Waiting for the 4D movie of Planet Earth. The fourth dimension involves getting poked in the back, sprayed with water, wind blowing through your hair, & looking like a rock star.

I love this guy's skin too. His coloring is so beautiful & the texture of his skin is lovely.

After running out of photo op's at the aquarium, we took a walk on the lakeshore. It was windy (of course) but a beautiful sunny day.

Next was lunch at The Gage Restaurant. Delicious.

Rock, Paper, Oh no...

2009-05-29T08:56:00.008-07:00

I love watching the National Spelling Bee every year even though by the end of the show I feel pretty inadequate compared to the kids on the stage. However, last night I had a small moment of personal glory. I might not be able to spell like these kids but I do know how to do this...

SPOILER ALERT: In case you missed it, the girl in the video, Kayva Shivashankar, won more than street cred at the bee, she took the trophy home too by correctly spelling "Laodicean" which means being indifferent in matters of religion.
(Fun fact: blogger has underlined "Laodicean" to let me know it's spelled incorrectly even though I've quadruple checked it on google.)

My Kind of Town: Part 1

2009-05-28T08:44:00.022-07:00

Last week Jay & I took our first non-honeymoon trip as husband & wife to visit Jay's family (& now my family too!) in Arlington Heights, IL. We call it "The AH" or "Action Heights" for short. Most of the time we just tell people we're going to Chicago since the suburb is only 40 min away & requires less explanation. We left Wednesday evening & came back to AZ Monday night (or, after a four hour flight delay, technically, Tuesday morning).
Thursday, we went out to lunch with Jay's mom (Margaret) & both of Jay's brothers (Pat & Rob). We went to a sushi restaurant in Mt. Prospect called Sakura & ate in one of the traditional Japanese rooms with tatami mats & screened walls. They've been Americanized though because instead of sitting cross legged on the mats they've made leg room under the table so really you just sit like you're at a normal table but at ground level instead.

We began by ordering edamame & five rolls of sushi. The sushi platter came & being that there were five of us we ate the rolls fairly quickly. The waitress came to check on us & while she was approaching the room she started to ask us how everything tasted. When she entered the room she saw the empty platter & was shocked as she said "Oh my gosh! You already finished? Are these all your boys?" She asked Margaret who said yes. "Wow! You must spend so much money on food!" the waitress said still in awe over the empty plate. We all laughed then ordered another five rolls of sushi because we were still hungry.
Jay is mimicking a scene from Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Rob & Pat discussing something that warranted a picture. I don't remember what it was because there were so many heated discussions between brothers over the course of five days.

Group shot post "Why do you insist on taking so many pictures?" interrogating from Jay.

Thursday night Margaret & Dave got everyone (themselves, me, Jay, Pat, Pat's girlfriend Mallory, & Rob) tickets to see Second City in Chicago. But first we had to drive there. Because of the traffic on the freeway it took a good 90min to get there. Luckily my trusty Blackberry, iPod, & camera kept me entertained.

The boys rode in the back of the mini-van (so kind) & as Margaret noted, they sat in birth order! I had to capture the moment as they were all sitting with their arms crossed. I'm assuming "keep your hands to yourselves" was said a lot during their childhood.

Before the show, we went to a restaurant called Perennial & had some good times. Our waiter was quite amusing. He seemed to be a displaced surfer dude/hippie & said a muffled "cheers" in response to everything we said. Rob & I could barely hold our laughter in but we managed to keep it together. Everything was tasty & I even managed to snag a picture of Jay's pea soup (those balls are warm pea custard).

The food was quite interesting & very yummy.

Another group shot after more interrogating from Jay about the constant presence of our camera.
Next was Second City. I was so excited because every time (maybe 3 times? I can't remember) we've gone, we've loved it. The show is on the Main Stage & is called "America: All Better!". It was a great show & I think we all had a great time despite the constant presence of the paparazzi!

Mr. President? One minor request...

2009-05-19T14:07:00.013-07:00

Dear President Barack Obama,

The last few weeks have been quite exciting and my neurons are firing at a record rate. Whether or not this is a good thing is up to you.

You should know that I have been very satisfied renting at an Arcadia apartment complex for the past three years but now I find myself wanting more. I could not be more excited for the recent news of an $8,000 First-Time Home Buyer Tax Credit for Down Payments on FHA Loans. Sounds great. Sign us up. But wait. You and your Department of Housing and Urban Development have inadvertently put me in quite a pickle.

The thing is, our lease isn't up until January. So, can you please convince the management office to let us out early if we find a house? Also, can you make our loan foreclosure proof? My husband is scared of ending up on the street with all of our belongings in one of those tattered sacks attached to a stick if we default on our mortgage. And the streets of Phoenix would not be kind to our dog Louie's white fur coat. Oh, and could you attach at least a $10,000 bonus to the tax credit for the remodeling of our new home? Because of my schooling at a Top 5 Interior Design program, I have a keen eye for everything that is wrong with a space and how to improve it. As you can imagine, the homes in our price range are not on the same level as the Mies van der Rohe/Eames/Barragan home of my dreams.

I realize you are busy but could you please appoint someone to work on my requests? Once I get something in my head, I am relentless in the face of opposition. Just ask my dad.

I can offer my design services to you and your family if that would help the process along. And my husband is an almost-attorney, so, he can assist you with any research, memos, or future litigation you and your cabinet might need. I am sure Lou & Bo would get along fine if you need us to move in while we provided our assistance.

I thank you in advance for your prompt attention to this matter.

Sincerely,
Chelsea M.

P.S. Do you have any pull with the producers of HGTV's House Hunters? We have always pictured ourselves shopping for our first home on this show and even practice our intro scene complete with closet space and double sink quips every now and then.

Age Appropriate

2009-05-14T10:15:00.025-07:00

WARNING: EXPLICIT LYRICS

A few months ago I was reading my favorite not-really-trashy-but-okay-it's-a-little-skanky website to brush up on my daily celebrity gossip (doesn't everyone?) & I read an article about Britney's new single called "If You Seek Amy". I read the lyrics & the explanation (if you don't get it from reading the title in your head then I'm not going to tell you what it means because I don't want to infect your mind with it). Semi-interested, I clicked the link to the music video. Typical Britney video, but, despite the mini-me angel on my shoulder shouting "Noooooo", I liked the song & downloaded it that night.

Since then, I've been thinking a lot about music lyrics & their impact on the youth. Because I have two faux-children, I can't read or hear anything about pop culture without thinking about it from their point-of-view. As I downloaded the Britney song, I thought, "I would never let my kid listen to this". And, then I thought, "but they wouldn't really get it anyway, would they?"

My mind flashed back to my fourth grade self listening to TLC's album with a song titled "Red Light Special". I remember listening to it but never really thinking about what it was about & just liking it for a slow song. While I sang along, it was more like a foreign language that I just repeated than actually understanding the topic at hand.

Four years later, my cousin & I were at church/volleyball camp & during one of our church lessons, the teacher asked the crowd of pre-teen girls "If you're not listening to God's music, then who's music are you listening to?" I almost laughed out loud at this one as I pictured devil horns on the Hanson brothers.

Flash forward four years to watching Scooby Doo with Audra Beth & us dancing to Musical Youth's "Pass the Dutchie". I don't think I even realized what they're talking about until a few minutes into the song.

Then, two years later driving a then six-year-old Caitlin to swim lessons as she knew & sang all the lyrics to Carrie Underwood's "Jesus, Take the Wheel". I remember thinking "Does she even know what she's singing about?"

A month ago, driving Audra Beth to the mall for some shopping & she was showing me all the ringtones she had on her cell phone & sampling the ones that her friends had. One of her friend's had Akon's "I Wanna Love You" as her ringtone. "Um, that's a gross song" I told her & she kind of laughed & said "Yeah...I don't really like that song".

A week ago, Audra Beth hooked up her new iPod to her docking station while we were cleaning the living room & Katy Perry's "Hot N Cold" came on & she said "Caitlin, cover your ears, there's a bad word in the beginning".

Yesterday, I was listening to my Kings of Leon Pandora station & their single "Sex On Fire" came on. I really like the song & have heard it many times on the radio & my iPod. I clicked the lyrics button to read what they're really singing about as I only knew the chorus. I was shocked by the lyrics. Really radio stations? You play this? I guess I should have known by the title alone that the lyrics are quite adult.

Now, of course all these songs have different levels of "appropriateness" but they are definitely all of an adult nature. But, the question I keep thinking about is, do kids really get it? I know I didn't know what I was singing about & obviously still don't on occasion. I like a song because of the music & then learn the lyrics. I'm sure kids are the same but do they need to be exposed to such adult topics at such a young age? But does it really make a difference in the long-run? For me, the jury's still out on that one. Either way, even if it's very "Do as I say, not as I do" of me, my future kids aren't allowed to listen to Britney. And for the record, I was banned from watching or listening to Madonna until high school.

Oh Lou Dog

2009-05-12T15:11:00.004-07:00

Here are some photos I've taken recently of Louie. He's such a funny dog.

In his seat belt on our way to work.

He was sitting in the chair next to Jay. Jay got up & Louie was just content to stay in the same position & await his return.

I accidentally threw the covers on his head when I got out of bed. Undisturbed, Lou remained fast asleep under the comforter.

He let me position him like this on the couch. He's such a rag doll.

He was unsure about the new duvet cover so he just went to sleep on the quilt instead. When Jay got into bed he finally ventured out & slept next to Jay. On second thought, it might not have been the new duvet that unsettled him but rather a made bed. Such a thing is rare at our house.

Mother's Day Questionnaire: Jay's Mom

2009-05-08T16:06:00.011-07:00

After reading this CNN article, I decided that it would be great to ask our mom's these questions for Mother's Day! The questions are thought provoking & the answers they provided give great insight into what it was like to be a mother of me & Jay.

What’s the one thing you would have differently as a mom?
In Jay’s case, I wish I would have argued his elimination in the 6^th grade Geography Bee! I always regretted not standing up to request the panel of teachers to review their rules because I believe Jay was eliminated unfairly!

Why did you choose to be with Jay’s father?
First thing I noticed was his blue eyes! But when we started dating, I realized we had the same values and very similar upbringing – which has made partnering and decision-making a whole lot easier. And I knew he would honor our marriage vows because he’s a genuine caring and loyal person.

In what ways do you think Jay is like you?
When he smiles and his eyes crinkle, he lights up the room! He never meets a stranger because he can easily carry on a conversation. And he enjoys trying odd ingredients in dishes along with a great glass of wine!

Which one of the kids did you like the best?
Can’t say “like the best” because with each one of the boys, I learned something entirely different.

With Jay, I was challenged to explain the how’s and why’s of everything – nature, statements in books, Civil War battles, airplane configurations, purpose of dinosaurs, differences in foreign countries. Growing up, the two things Jay would sit still for were reading books and watching Cardinal baseball. He wasn’t keen about puzzles or board games. We dressed up and acted out story book characters, we danced to LPs, we used our imagination playing with Sesame Street House and the airport set, we went to the zoo, libraries, Science Center. (He kept me moving – mentally and physically – so that’s why I bribed Jay to take afternoon naps!)

As Jay grew up, I definitely learned about scouts, baseball, ice hockey, street hockey, paintball, Improv! Then he was the first “baby” to go on an exciting adventure (Canada) without us, drive off with a drivers’ license, look for a summer job, go to Prom, leave for college, get married…we’ll stop there for now.

Is there anything you have always wanted to tell Jay but never have?
From t-ball age, Jay understood sports. His mind saw the plays be it in baseball, soccer, hockey, football, golf….he loves sports! There used to be a twinge that our genes didn’t create the body of a professional athlete for Jay. Now my thinking is that maybe someday Jay will negotiate professional sports players’ contracts or own the Cardinals!

The other thing is that we never would have predicted we’d have to “leave you behind” in Arizona! That really wasn’t in our plan!!

Do you think it’s easier or harder to be a mother now than when you were raising your family?
Harder. With lenient television shows, computer access, cell phones, Ipods, etc. kids are exposed to much more, much sooner. They are a child for such a short time. I hate seeing parents in restaurants who let their children watch movies, play games or text the entire meal. They’re missing out on conversations and spontaneity with their children.

I do feel very fortunate that I could be a stay-at-home mom. With the costs of feeding, clothing, schooling a family now I think mothers have to help support with an income.

Is there anything you regret not having asked your parents?
Me, not ask a question? And the fact that they’re still alive gives me the opportunity to keep asking them questions!

What is the best thing Jay can do for you right now?
Touch base every week. Quick phone call just to hear your voice and what’s happening in your world.

Is there anything that you wish had been different between you & Jay – or that you would still like to change?
I’m pretty good about blurting out my feelings and questions so, I think, Jay and I always had an open dialogue about everything. Maybe I should ask this question back to Jay….

When did you realize you were no longer a child?
I still remember the day. When my brother told me our parents were Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. Once he convinced me, I was crushed. Childhood had changed.

Additional thoughts: With all of these memories stirred up, I’d like to say that we’re very proud of you, Jay. You were an inquisitive, happy child that always brought us joy – and we still see you that way! There is no map to being a mom so I made mistakes along the way. But what is right is that you’re honest, responsible and dependable, that you don’t stereotype people, that you have patience, self-confidence and compassion. Mom’s “words of wisdom” for this phase of your life would be that balance is the key. Make time for your family, your friends, love, work that is meaningful, make time to reflect and read and be alone, time to play and time to laugh, hard! Social status is not important but giving back to society is. Pray every day. And keep your mind open to learning something new each day…even if that’s through watching reality TV! :)

Love you!

XXOOXXOOXXOO

Mom

Mother's Day Questionnaire: My Mom

2009-05-08T16:00:00.002-07:00

What's the one thing you would have done differently as a mom?
Just 1...that's all I can list? Hmmm...I think of things I might have done differently and then realize an important quality that you have as a result. So no...I don't think there is anything I would change. Okay...maybe I should have made you eat more fruits and vegetables! And I should have insisted that you keep your room and bathroom more tidy!

Why did you choose to be with my father?
I knew the first time we met that he was special! I felt like I would be safe with him...always loved, always cared for, and always valued! I knew instantly that he was different than other guys I'd known. I could not believe that I had met someone so wonderful!

In what ways do you think I'm like you?
Well, I think you and I are alike in many ways. We both...

1. know the happiness a new pair of shoes can bring.

2. cry during "sappy" movies, TV shows, and even commercials.

3. love giving and opening presents.

4. love Louie and Gracie!

5. like to wear our "easy pants" at home in the evening!

6. read blogs even if we don't actually know the people we're reading about.

7. can be easily entertained.. The game we used to play while waiting at the airport comes to mind!

8. love baking cookies and cakes and know what a simple gesture of love it is!

9. know that the best part of the day is when we're with family!

Which one of us kids did you like the best? (obviously not applicable so, why did you & dad decide to have an only child)
Well, when we first got married we both thought we would not have children but then we came to our senses!! It's hard to imagine life without you. As you know, you had allergies and eczema when you were young and that really kept us busy. We just never got around to talking about having a second child; our family was complete with just the 3 of us but I wonder what if might have been like for you to have a brother or sister. Hmm....too late now! Ha ha! But if we would have had another child...you would have definitely been our favorite!

Is there anything you have always wanted to tell me but never have?
I want you to know that I think you're amazing. I am so proud of you; you're beautiful in every way. I'm excited about your future; you have a wonderful husband and while there will inevitably be tough times ahead, I know that you two have the faith, love and strength to get though it. And I know that you'll be fabulous parents!

Do you think it's easier or harder to be a mother now than when you were raising our family?
I think it's harder now. There are so many negative influences in music, TV, media, ill-behaved children, etc. And immediate families are not always nearby anymore...it's easier when they are there to help.

Is there anything you regret not having asked your parents?
I wish I knew more about their childhoods...what their favorite toy was, what was Christmas morning like for them, what did they do in the summertime, etc.

What's the best thing I can do for you right now?
Give me your honest opinion when I ask for it. And keep me current and please promise me that if I ever wear a fanny pack, or anything else that looks totally ridiculous, you will correct it immediately!!

Is there anything that you wish had been different between us -- or that you would still like to change?
We have always had a close relationship....just keep doing what you're doing. I love our 2 or 3 x's a day conversations but if you ever need to back off, if that's too often, I would understand.

When did you realize you were no longer a child?
When my parents died. I was so close to them, especially to my Mom and I always felt like a child when I was with her...not like a "little kid" child but like an "unconditionally loved" child. We talked often and I still miss those conversations; there is nothing like a close mother/daughter relationship. I know...I can still talk to her, but let's be honest...it's not the same!

My Mama: The Hard Work Paid Off

2009-05-08T10:40:00.011-07:00

It's still Celebrate My Mama Week!

Not to brag or anything but, lucky for my mom, I wasn't the typical teenager. While I did the occasional (okay more like frequent) eye roll (which I learned from my mom), that was about the extent of my teenager attitude (I think). We never really fought, there weren't any slammed doors, & the boy drama was kept at a minimum since I didn't even have my first date until I was 16. Just like the rest of my childhood, we always had a lot of fun. There were a lot of inside jokes (the name Cookie comes to mind), movies, many shopping trips, & we went on lots of fun vacations.

My mom was always the cool mom. She took me to see my first rated R movie at the theatre when I was 14. It was pretty awesome going to school the next day to brag about seeing There's Something About Mary. We always had a great time shopping together. She's the perfect shopping buddy because she understands fashion & always gave me her honest opinion good or bad. Luckily for me, she's never been a candidate for "What Not to Wear" so walking around with her wasn't embarrassing. That might sound shallow but what everyone else thinks is always in the forefront of a teenager's mind.

Looking back, we went on so many fun vacations. Durango, Smokey Mountains, Vermont, Lake Tahoe, Maine, North Carolina, Europe... I was so blessed to go so many places as a kid. And so blessed to have great company in my parents.

Paparazzi (a.k.a. my dad) always finds fun times to take pictures.

I love you Mama!

My Mama: More Than a Mom

2009-05-07T10:17:00.010-07:00

Yesterday was Day 3 of Celebrate My Mama Week but I got too busy so I wasn't able to do a post. Oops!

Before fifth grade we moved six times. I was born in Albuquerque, then we moved to an apartment in Macon, Georgia then a house in Macon, then Spring, Texas, then back to Albuquerque, then a Scottsdale house then an apartment, & then (finally) Gilbert. I think it's one of the reasons we're such a close knit family. We were always saying goodbye to friends so we became each other's friends. Of course I complained every time we moved (& still do on occasion) but if we hadn't gone from place to place I might not have ended up in Gilbert & then I might have never met my husband!

Through all the moves, my mom was wonderful. She packed everything, unpacked everything, & made sure we got settled into our new "home". I hate moving but I can't imagine how awful moving three people across the country must have been. And to do it more than once with a lot of whining from me just blows my mind. But I always felt right at home wherever we moved because I had my mom & dad there to comfort me. They say home is where the heart is & my heart has never been in a physical place but rather with my parents.
I love you Mama!

My Mama: Raising a Toddler

2009-05-05T14:43:00.010-07:00

Today is Day 2 of Celebrate My Mama Week!

My mama & I always have a good time. She somehow managed to find the perfect balance of mom & friend as I grew up. In the summers & over Christmas we would travel to Kansas to be with her family. We would spend our days playing in & around the farm house. One summer while staying with my Grandma, my mom told her that I would wake up in the middle of the night & crawl into bed with her. Because my dad was back in Albuquerque working while we were on vacation, she didn't see the harm in letting me sleep with her. Grandma (who was quite the disciplinarian) told her she had to nip this bad habit in the bud & handed my mom a wooden spoon. When I threw a fit because she made me go back to my bed, I got a little spank with the spoon. It wasn't hard of course but definitely motivated me to sleep alone the next night!

My mom also had to curb the bad habits I learned from my dad. After asking my dad for a cookie a few times in a row, he got tired of going to the kitchen to get them for me so he taught me how to pull the drawers out like steps & climb on the counter to get the cookies myself. Mom was quite surprised when I showed her my new trick.

First day of preschool

I love you Mama!

My Mama: The Baby Days

2009-05-04T19:05:00.012-07:00

My mama (who is the best mama in the world) deserves more celebration than just one day so I am going to do a mini-post every day this week to share stories & pictures about our relationship.

After being married for six years, my parents decided it was time to have a baby. My mom got pregnant the next month. She became a mother Friday March 23rd, 1984 around 3am. Her contractions started while my dad was watching his favorite show Magnum, P.I. (note the mustache) Thursday night so she took a bath to relax. They got to the hospital around 1am. She didn't have any medication to deal with the pain which is a true testament to her mantra "Mind Over Matter". My dad, however, banged his knee on her bed at some point &, as you can imagine, he didn't get much sympathy from my mom.

While the labor may have been easy, my baby self was a bit of a challenge. My mother's patience was tested many times throughout my bouts of asthma, eczema, & multiple food & animal allergies. I was allergic to milk, so she tried soy. I was allergic to soy, so I had juice on cereal. She suffered through many nights as I kept myself awake scratching behind my knees & my elbows for hours. The sound of relentless scratching still sets her skin crawling. She dabbled with cloth diapers for a bit but my legs were too skinny so everything in the diaper would just end up leaking out. Eww. She quickly switched to Luvs.

Up until a few years ago she always told me that I didn't have any brothers or sisters because I was perfect. The truth is she thought she didn't have enough patience to handle another "sick bird baby". I'm sure she could've handled it though because she can handle anything.

I love you Mama!

Le Temps des Examens

2009-05-04T10:47:00.013-07:00

If Jay was in the real world this week, he might post this article. He wishes he lived there instead of the purgatory that is finals which is where he is currently located. If I ever long for my college days, this time of year always reminds me why it's so nice to be done with all that.

Bon chance mon mari! Je sais que tu feras chouette! Seulement deux plus semaines...

(translation: Good luck my husband! I know that you will do great! Only two more weeks...)

An Enigma of a Metallic Nature

2009-04-30T13:45:00.027-07:00

My coexistence with small metal objects in life is a conundrum I face on a semi-daily basis. The Species of Paper Clips, Staples, Coins, or even Safety Pins are all a steady constant. If I need one or even three, I always know where to look & they are easily found. There are trickier objects in the Metallic Genus though: Bobby Pins & Earring Backs. My body has a strong magnetic force for these items as I attract the former & repel the latter.

I (& subsequently Jay) live among a plethora of Bobby Pins. Everywhere I look, I see a Bobby Pin staring back at me. The vacuum must be full of them because I'm constantly frightened when I hear the loud noise as it tries to suck them up. They're in my car, in the washing machine, on my desk, in every pocket in my purse, &, of course, all over our bathroom. I have begun to selectively throw some away so as to not be too overwhelmed. Where did they all come from? How do they infect every surface of my life? These are questions I ask myself almost every day with no answers to be found.

On the other hand, my body repels Earring Backs every opportunity it gets. I don't know where they go, but I must lose at least one a week. Precious minutes are wasted every morning, after I select a pair of earrings, trying to find two backs that fit the posts. This issue may not seem serious but I feel it is slowly pushing me to the edge of complete jewelry abandonment. The frustration is small when compared to the bigger picture but it is there nonetheless & might be the reason I am sometimes two minutes late to work. Unacceptable. I just took my earrings off because they're not phone conducive & now one of the backs is nowhere to be found. While scraping the carpet with my hand in a linear fashion, my search was unsuccessful. I did, however, find a Bobby Pin.

Unlike most problems that arise in my life, there is no rational solution other than vowing to never wear a Bobby Pin for the rest of my life or somehow sealing up my ear lobes. My bangs are at an awkward length right now. And earrings are the only accessory that if left off, leave me feeling uncivilized like a cave woman. Perhaps I just need to accept my unfortunate magnetic qualities much like I have come to live with asthma & nut allergies. Or maybe one of these days, you'll see me walking around with bangs in my eyes like Cousin It or scotch tape on my ears like a junior high softball player.